I have not posted in months because, nursing school has taken over my life. I don't think, say or do anything that is NOT school-related. I've been meaning to post since September when I went and saw my pelvic pain specialist.
I needed a refill of Neurontin, but when I called in to request it, his receptionist said I had to come in first. This wouldn't be an issue, but for the fact that his office has moved 45-50 minutes away from me.
When I saw my doctor, he told me that the last time I had schedule an appointment was in November of 2010. I had come to him with a suspected yeast infection, that (no surprise) turned out to be an overgrowth of lactobacillus instead.
I was amazed that I hadn't seen him in such a long time. Back in 2007, I feel like I must have seen him once a month.
This long reprieve reflects a couple factors:
1) I've learned how to be careful with my body and modify my behavior to prevent flares
2) When flares do occur, my doctor has given me enough tools to manage them on my own
3) I haven't had the time or energy to seek treatment when I felt I needed it
I have definitely managed. I had periods of severe pain, but I knew from my years of experience with my doctor and a better understanding of my body that with rest and better care, the pain would typically improve.
Admittedly, I haven't taken the best care of myself since nursing school began. I haven't bothered to use my estrogen/testosterone compound nightly, as prescribed. The consequence has been that of the scant few times I have had sex, it has been extremely painful at the onset.
I have had no sex drive since school started. For me, with less sex comes fewer pain issues. This is not necessarily a good thing. I know that my relationship has suffered because of school.
The positive thing to take away from this post is that I am managing my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia well enough with the tools I have.
Showing posts with label vulvodynia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vulvodynia. Show all posts
December 17, 2011
August 6, 2011
Vacation without the O
Since I started nursing school, it's been very difficult for me to keep track of the days. Now I can't keep track of the season. It does not feel like summer to me. I saw a back to school commercial and it confused me. I thought for a moment that I was in the middle of the school year already. No such luck.
I survived eight weeks of hell, taking OB and Peds with shreds of my sanity. This semester is supposed to be easier, but I'm doubtful knowing that I'm taking four classes, have two days of clinical, and I'm trying to work one 12 hour shift a week at the hospital.
The stress of school has had a detrimental impact on my sex drive. I'm so busy and so tired when my husband gets home that sex is the furthest thing from my mind. The handful of times we did have sex during this crazy semester something was missing...
That same thing was also missing when I spent some quality time with myself...
No O!
I thought once the semester ended, my orgasm would come back, but it didn't. I feel frustrated and dysfunctional. (More so than usual) I started looking at other potential contributing factors to my lack of orgasm.
The long days at the hospital were exacerbating my pudendal neuralgia so I started taking 1200 mg Q3 instead of 900 mg of Neurontin. It seemed to help, but was the higher dose quieting the orgasm nerve signals as well as the pain signals?
I don't know, but I've decided to scale back down to 900 mg and see what happens. I was even more motivated to scale back when I remembered that I was taking the highest dose possible. If my pain were to get worse, I would have no choice but to try other drugs. I'd rather have the comfort of knowing I can always go higher.
I survived eight weeks of hell, taking OB and Peds with shreds of my sanity. This semester is supposed to be easier, but I'm doubtful knowing that I'm taking four classes, have two days of clinical, and I'm trying to work one 12 hour shift a week at the hospital.
The stress of school has had a detrimental impact on my sex drive. I'm so busy and so tired when my husband gets home that sex is the furthest thing from my mind. The handful of times we did have sex during this crazy semester something was missing...
That same thing was also missing when I spent some quality time with myself...
No O!
I thought once the semester ended, my orgasm would come back, but it didn't. I feel frustrated and dysfunctional. (More so than usual) I started looking at other potential contributing factors to my lack of orgasm.
The long days at the hospital were exacerbating my pudendal neuralgia so I started taking 1200 mg Q3 instead of 900 mg of Neurontin. It seemed to help, but was the higher dose quieting the orgasm nerve signals as well as the pain signals?
I don't know, but I've decided to scale back down to 900 mg and see what happens. I was even more motivated to scale back when I remembered that I was taking the highest dose possible. If my pain were to get worse, I would have no choice but to try other drugs. I'd rather have the comfort of knowing I can always go higher.
July 14, 2011
Reiki Session
I got to experience something incredible at clinical one day. Two staff reiki masters were giving demonstrations for staff members; and since the staff was reluctant to try it, I got a chance to try it.
It was performed by two nurses. They asked me what drew me to nursing. I have a generic answer that doesn't pertain to my genitals, that I usually give, but because this was a healing session, I as honest with them about my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.
Neither nurse had heard of either condition. Should we be surprised?
I was told to lie down on a bed. One nurse practiced the art of reiki touch, while the other used a Tibetan crystal bowl to create this unbelievably resonant sounds. The combination was so powerful, especially the tones from the bowl. The sounds rolled through my entire body; and within minutes I felt like I was floating.
When the session concluded the nurses gave me a glass of water and told me to stay well hydrated for the rest of the day. I felt incredible for the rest of the day.
I highly recommend this alternative therapy to anyone who is comfortable with touch.
April 19, 2011
Has It Really BeenTwo Months Since I Posted!?!?
This is how insanely busy and stressful my life has been the last two months. I haven't even had time to think about my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, let alone write about it.
On the whole I've been managing pretty well. I've had problems with pain during my three hour class, even with my stupid cushion. I think I need to make some new ones. I think the foam is wearing out.
I'm having some pain with intercourse, but it's tolerable. I got a new prescription for my estrogen testosterone compound and I think that's helping.
My biggest problem right now is my jaw. I'm having BIG problems. About a month ago I got a root canal. That inflamed my jaw. The proceeding filling and crown placement in the subsequent weeks made it worse. I haven't been able to open my mouth more than half an inch for the last 12 days. The last 10 days I was on a prescription anti-inflammatory and a muscle relaxant. I saw my dentist yesterday and he was about to send me to an oral surgeon, when he decided to try a different muscle relaxant. The first one didn't seem to have any effect on me. Perhaps it's all the drugs I already take...
Well this new drug has knocked me on my ass. I drove to school today, but I can tell my reaction time is delayed. I feel very tired and groggy. I think the medication is helping. I can almost open my mouth an inch. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's a start.
It's extremely aggravating because I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I literally cannot open my mouth. There are times when it makes me feel really anxious. I want to fight the resistance and stretch my mouth as wide as I can, but my doctor told me that's the worst thing I could do. I could potentially dislocate my jaw. Scary.
I've had jaw problems since I had my tonsillectomy in 2001. I had my jaw propped open for so long, it shifted the alignment of my jaw. I had some limited range of motion and a great deal of pain and stiffness in the mornings, but I could open my mouth. It took months to get better.
I ran into this problem again when I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. I elected to only do two at a time to reduce the amount of time my mouth had to be open.
It has never been this bad though. I could always open it, there was just a great deal of pain. This situation really worries me. I'm scared.
On the whole I've been managing pretty well. I've had problems with pain during my three hour class, even with my stupid cushion. I think I need to make some new ones. I think the foam is wearing out.
I'm having some pain with intercourse, but it's tolerable. I got a new prescription for my estrogen testosterone compound and I think that's helping.
My biggest problem right now is my jaw. I'm having BIG problems. About a month ago I got a root canal. That inflamed my jaw. The proceeding filling and crown placement in the subsequent weeks made it worse. I haven't been able to open my mouth more than half an inch for the last 12 days. The last 10 days I was on a prescription anti-inflammatory and a muscle relaxant. I saw my dentist yesterday and he was about to send me to an oral surgeon, when he decided to try a different muscle relaxant. The first one didn't seem to have any effect on me. Perhaps it's all the drugs I already take...
Well this new drug has knocked me on my ass. I drove to school today, but I can tell my reaction time is delayed. I feel very tired and groggy. I think the medication is helping. I can almost open my mouth an inch. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's a start.
It's extremely aggravating because I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I literally cannot open my mouth. There are times when it makes me feel really anxious. I want to fight the resistance and stretch my mouth as wide as I can, but my doctor told me that's the worst thing I could do. I could potentially dislocate my jaw. Scary.
I've had jaw problems since I had my tonsillectomy in 2001. I had my jaw propped open for so long, it shifted the alignment of my jaw. I had some limited range of motion and a great deal of pain and stiffness in the mornings, but I could open my mouth. It took months to get better.
I ran into this problem again when I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. I elected to only do two at a time to reduce the amount of time my mouth had to be open.
It has never been this bad though. I could always open it, there was just a great deal of pain. This situation really worries me. I'm scared.
February 14, 2011
V Day... This Was Supposed To Be A Funny Post...
I've been planning this post for a while. One of my girlfriends at school was sweet enough and brave enough to read my vulvodynia blog. She enjoy the smorgasbord of names for the pink canoe and suggested I make a list for one post of all the different names I have in my repertoire. I though V Day would be perfect, but I can't be silly right now.
It's stupid Valentine's Day, my husband made me a phenomenal meal, bought me flowers and a sparkly card, but I feel nothing. No desire. No connection. No intimacy. I don't know what's wrong with me or why it seems to be getting worse.
I got my first C in nursing school today and I just don't care. That's a bad sign. I may be coming unglued.
It's stupid Valentine's Day, my husband made me a phenomenal meal, bought me flowers and a sparkly card, but I feel nothing. No desire. No connection. No intimacy. I don't know what's wrong with me or why it seems to be getting worse.
I got my first C in nursing school today and I just don't care. That's a bad sign. I may be coming unglued.
February 11, 2011
It's Hurting More...
I've been doing really well with my pudendal neuralgia symptoms, aside from my attempt at Zumba. On the other hand, unfortunately, I've been experiencing more problems with my vulvodynia.
Nursing school and living with my parents have completely killed my sex drive. From the time I turned 13, I've always been an overly sexual being. It feels very strange. I feel like a very big, important part of myself is missing. My husband has become the sexual aggressor, but he's terrible at it. It's my fault, though, I taught him that all he needed to do was tell me he was in the mood and I would jump him. Those instructions came under completely different circumstances, when he had no sex drive.
Having him say in passing that he wants sex is repulsive. I never expected to feel this way. We rarely have sex now and when we do, I have to force myself. I don't want to disappoint him and reject him all the time. I know those are not the right reasons to have sex.
That could potentially be contributing to my increase in pain. It's a new pain. There is a great deal of pain upon insertion and it takes much longer to dissipate. Where my pain was always focused on the base of the vestibule, but now the pain encircles the entire entrance.
Naturally the increase in pain does not help my nonexistent sex drive. I've thought about seeing my specialist about it, but I don't want to bother.
It's sad. I never thought I would be so indifferent to sex.
There are probably other issues I need to address in order to understand what's happened to me.
February 1, 2011
Zumba + Pudendal Neuralgia = Freaky Pain
The spring semester started last Monday. My girlfriends are on what I assume is a New Year's Resolution health kick. They decided to attend a Zumba class at our gym and I hesitantly agreed to join them.
The Zumba class at school was freaky! Our instructor was flipping her hair, gyrating, and shaking her bits and pieces like a pro.
When I was in undergrad, I loved to get freaky dancing at the clubs. Sometimes if I was dancing on a bar or platform, men would hand me nasty, alcohol-soaked dollar bills. Some girls might have found that degrading, but I loved it. Despite that, even I was a little scandalized by the moves in this class. (God, when did I get so OLD! !
Even though I made a conscious effort to keep my moves low-impact my pudendal nerve started to flare. I realized that it wasn't the impact at all that was causing the pain, it was the thrusting and jiggling. I may be a small girl, but I've got A LOT of booty and I know how to shake it. I can only assume that the constant smack of my excessive booty tissue slamming against my pelvis irritated my cranky, prude pudendal nerve.
Only half way through the class I had to stop. I was the only one who couldn't keep up. I sat out one song, then decided to just do the upper body and arm parts of the workout.
I really enjoyed the class. It was liberating! I miss dancing like that. It never used to bother my nerve. I'd really love to attend another class, but I don't think my pudendal neuralgia will allow it.
October 16, 2010
I Haven't Forgotten
Midterms have begun. I have three weeks of Hell in front of me. Nursing school is unbelievably demanding! I still haven't figured out the best way to stay on top of all the material. I'm putting all my energy into my most difficult class, but unfortunately they are all difficult. The class I've neglected the most just snuck up behind me and bit me in the ass. That midterm was ridiculous!
I've been managing my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia pretty well. On some days, I even bring my cushion to class. On the sex front, I've discovered that I really do have less pain with non-latex condoms! Who would have thought?!?! Perhaps they reduce the amount of friction. I do have to use more lube; and if we change positions, I have to reapply. It's easy. Instead of wiping my hand off before we get down to business, I just keep it coated, so the KY is there if I need it without having to interrupt the flow.
It's funny, I always thought condoms were the antithesis of intimacy, but they've brought an exciting new element to our activities... Let's just say we're both enjoying ourselves... And every time I go to the bathroom after sex, like a good little girl, I'm shocked by the lack of post-coital burning.
All that fun stuff aside, I know that my posts have grown more infrequent and for that I apologize. Nursing school has swallowed me whole. I'm going to try to be more active on this blog. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm working hard and I'm living a normal (if you call living in a two bedroom condo with your parents, your husband, two dogs and a cat, while your own house sits empty on the market normal) life. I have an active sexual relationship with my partner and my daily pain level is manageable.
It is possible to enjoy life with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.
Don't lose hope.
I've been managing my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia pretty well. On some days, I even bring my cushion to class. On the sex front, I've discovered that I really do have less pain with non-latex condoms! Who would have thought?!?! Perhaps they reduce the amount of friction. I do have to use more lube; and if we change positions, I have to reapply. It's easy. Instead of wiping my hand off before we get down to business, I just keep it coated, so the KY is there if I need it without having to interrupt the flow.
It's funny, I always thought condoms were the antithesis of intimacy, but they've brought an exciting new element to our activities... Let's just say we're both enjoying ourselves... And every time I go to the bathroom after sex, like a good little girl, I'm shocked by the lack of post-coital burning.
All that fun stuff aside, I know that my posts have grown more infrequent and for that I apologize. Nursing school has swallowed me whole. I'm going to try to be more active on this blog. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm working hard and I'm living a normal (if you call living in a two bedroom condo with your parents, your husband, two dogs and a cat, while your own house sits empty on the market normal) life. I have an active sexual relationship with my partner and my daily pain level is manageable.
It is possible to enjoy life with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.
Don't lose hope.
August 10, 2010
Sorry It's Been A While
I just realized it's been nearly a month since my last post! I'm sorry I haven't been more active. My life continues to be crazy. I'm two days into my final week at my job. Scary. Goodbye paychecks, hello debt!
I spent last week at the beach with my husband's family. It was a nice vacation. The best part was the fact that I got to rest my pudendal nerve. My flare is finally over. I'm still being very careful. I spent the six hour car ride to and from the beach lying across the backseat, just like the doctor ordered. I felt stupid and high maintenance, but it was a necessary precaution. Fortunately for me, my husband prefers to drive, so he wasn't put out by the arrangement.
I have so many loose ends to tie up at work, which is forcing me to sit at my desk instead of stand. It only takes a few hours for the pain to build up, even sitting on the cushion. I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but my pudendal neuralgia had other plans.
I'm so busy right now, I don't even have time to freak out about going to school. Wait and see how I'm doing this weekend...
I spent last week at the beach with my husband's family. It was a nice vacation. The best part was the fact that I got to rest my pudendal nerve. My flare is finally over. I'm still being very careful. I spent the six hour car ride to and from the beach lying across the backseat, just like the doctor ordered. I felt stupid and high maintenance, but it was a necessary precaution. Fortunately for me, my husband prefers to drive, so he wasn't put out by the arrangement.
I have so many loose ends to tie up at work, which is forcing me to sit at my desk instead of stand. It only takes a few hours for the pain to build up, even sitting on the cushion. I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but my pudendal neuralgia had other plans.
I'm so busy right now, I don't even have time to freak out about going to school. Wait and see how I'm doing this weekend...
July 18, 2010
The Block Wore Off
I am still so impressed by the success of my pudendal nerve block. It really helped and seemed to reduce the pain. But all good things must come to an end. I had the block last Friday and by Monday it started to come back.
I worked from home as much as I could. As the week went on the pain got worse. It wasn't as bad as it was before the block, but it was bad. I was getting the shot of pain with every step I took. I called my doctor to see what I could do. The answer was disheartening. Nothing.
I can't get another block for three to four weeks. All I can do is go up on my Neurontin, take pain meds as needed and rest. I shed a few tears after I hung up the phone. I felt helpless. There's nothing proactive that I can do.
I worked from home as much as I could. As the week went on the pain got worse. It wasn't as bad as it was before the block, but it was bad. I was getting the shot of pain with every step I took. I called my doctor to see what I could do. The answer was disheartening. Nothing.
I can't get another block for three to four weeks. All I can do is go up on my Neurontin, take pain meds as needed and rest. I shed a few tears after I hung up the phone. I felt helpless. There's nothing proactive that I can do.
July 2, 2010
Warm Weather Blues
I'm enjoying the 4th of July weekend at the beach, but summer weather presents a lot of problems for someone living with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. There are even more accommodations to make to stay comfortable.
I typically can't wear panties. The pressure of even flimsy cotton panties again my clit causes a great deal of irritation. If I have to wear panties, I can only wear them for a limited period of time. In the summer, the desire to wear panties increases a great deal because of sweating. I know, totally gross, but I want to be honest here. Naturally if it's hot and humid, areas of your body that overlap are going to perspire. This makes panties really appealing.
On a really hot day I'll wear panties and powder my thighs. I usually can't go a few hours without having to take them off. Other days if my love button is especially cranky, I'll just powder my thighs and hope for the best. I keep a pair of panties in a sunglasses case in my purse just in case I can't stand it.
The other day my bean was raw and angry. I went to the freezer for some ice and discovered a small blue ice pack that was just the right size. It felt good to have the extreme cold on my angry folds.
Take all these issues and put them on the beach and what do you get? A problem. If you want to wear a bathing suite, you're just asking for trouble. I just spent the afternoon on the beach and my kitty is not happy with me. I try to create a little space between the bathing suite fabric and my lady bits. It helps a little bit.
Despite the discomfort, I'd rather have a weekend on the beach with an angry kitty.
I typically can't wear panties. The pressure of even flimsy cotton panties again my clit causes a great deal of irritation. If I have to wear panties, I can only wear them for a limited period of time. In the summer, the desire to wear panties increases a great deal because of sweating. I know, totally gross, but I want to be honest here. Naturally if it's hot and humid, areas of your body that overlap are going to perspire. This makes panties really appealing.
On a really hot day I'll wear panties and powder my thighs. I usually can't go a few hours without having to take them off. Other days if my love button is especially cranky, I'll just powder my thighs and hope for the best. I keep a pair of panties in a sunglasses case in my purse just in case I can't stand it.
The other day my bean was raw and angry. I went to the freezer for some ice and discovered a small blue ice pack that was just the right size. It felt good to have the extreme cold on my angry folds.
Despite the discomfort, I'd rather have a weekend on the beach with an angry kitty.
April 30, 2010
All Quiet on the Vagina Front
My vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia have been under control the last couple weeks. I've been able to get through an entire day at work without pain! I think it's because I'm splitting my time between sitting on my cushion and standing.
I still have pain when I do strenuous work or go to the gym. Last weekend, my husband used his favorite wedding gift, a chain saw, on some branches that have been cluttering our yard for a year. I carried the smaller logs and put them in a pile in the corner of the yard. I also scavenged the yard for sticks, creating a separate pile for them. The repetitive motion of bending and lifting caused my pudendal nerve to flare. I had to stop that activity and I haven't gone back.
When my body starts talking, I drop what I'm doing and listen. It's just not worth it to push myself to do that extra five minutes on the elliptical or pick up that last log in the yard. The price is just too high. I've found a good routine that allows me to live a pretty normal life and avoid causing myself pain as much as possible. There's always some pain with sex, but it's manageable. With the compound back in my system, there is less burning pain after sex.
I'm content with my holding pattern. We'll see how long it lasts.
I still have pain when I do strenuous work or go to the gym. Last weekend, my husband used his favorite wedding gift, a chain saw, on some branches that have been cluttering our yard for a year. I carried the smaller logs and put them in a pile in the corner of the yard. I also scavenged the yard for sticks, creating a separate pile for them. The repetitive motion of bending and lifting caused my pudendal nerve to flare. I had to stop that activity and I haven't gone back.
When my body starts talking, I drop what I'm doing and listen. It's just not worth it to push myself to do that extra five minutes on the elliptical or pick up that last log in the yard. The price is just too high. I've found a good routine that allows me to live a pretty normal life and avoid causing myself pain as much as possible. There's always some pain with sex, but it's manageable. With the compound back in my system, there is less burning pain after sex.
I'm content with my holding pattern. We'll see how long it lasts.
February 22, 2010
When Is the Right Time to Tell Him It Hurt
I've been back on my estrogen/testosterone compound for a while now and when I get horny, look out! A few weeks ago, in a fit of passion I encouraged my partner to do something that on any other day I keep off limits: I slid his finger inside me. What he did from there was mind-blowing. I've only let one or two other people do that to me and I've NEVER enjoyed it at all.
In three and a half years together, this is the first time he's done that. It felt incredible. It didn't bring me to climax, but it just felt so damn good. With my extreme desire and his new found confidence in the sack, we've been having some steamy evenings.
Last Thursday night, we had what I would consider the greatest sexual encounter of our relationship. Nothing comes close. It was amazing. There are no other words.
Tonight was great, except for one thing... I didn't tell him no or gentle or ouch or be careful of that. First of all, I wasn't in the mood for foreplay. I just wanted sex. My partner wanted to touch me. I thought about saying something, but I didn't. He was running his finger back and forth from the top of my clit to the end of my snatch. He kept rubbing the opening of my urethra. I thought, "I'm going to feel that tomorrow," but I didn't say anything. My partner rubbed my clit vigorously and it hurt a bit, but I just didn't want to say anything.
Now, three hours later my clit is still swollen and irritated and my urethral meatus feels uncomfortable. All of this could have been avoided if I had just told him something to deter him. But he's been so confident and I know how fragile that confidence is. I didn't want to risk him pulling back and shutting down. I'm now wondering if I should let him know to be careful with certain areas or just let it go.
The question is: when is the right time to tell him it hurts, if the pain isn't that bad? In the moment? Right after? Days later? Never?
I don't know if there's a correct answer. I'm eager to hear what you think. What the best way to tell him or her?
In three and a half years together, this is the first time he's done that. It felt incredible. It didn't bring me to climax, but it just felt so damn good. With my extreme desire and his new found confidence in the sack, we've been having some steamy evenings.
Last Thursday night, we had what I would consider the greatest sexual encounter of our relationship. Nothing comes close. It was amazing. There are no other words.
Tonight was great, except for one thing... I didn't tell him no or gentle or ouch or be careful of that. First of all, I wasn't in the mood for foreplay. I just wanted sex. My partner wanted to touch me. I thought about saying something, but I didn't. He was running his finger back and forth from the top of my clit to the end of my snatch. He kept rubbing the opening of my urethra. I thought, "I'm going to feel that tomorrow," but I didn't say anything. My partner rubbed my clit vigorously and it hurt a bit, but I just didn't want to say anything.
Now, three hours later my clit is still swollen and irritated and my urethral meatus feels uncomfortable. All of this could have been avoided if I had just told him something to deter him. But he's been so confident and I know how fragile that confidence is. I didn't want to risk him pulling back and shutting down. I'm now wondering if I should let him know to be careful with certain areas or just let it go.
The question is: when is the right time to tell him it hurts, if the pain isn't that bad? In the moment? Right after? Days later? Never?
I don't know if there's a correct answer. I'm eager to hear what you think. What the best way to tell him or her?
February 11, 2010
Shovelling Upset My Kitty
Today I had to dig out my car and my driveway once again. This is really getting old!
Apparently snow shoveling puts pressure on the pudendal nerve. I noticed as I lifted a shovel load of heavy snow there was a twinge of pain in the opening of my urethra. I tried to shovel a few more times, but pain persisted. I decided to quit and rest my nerve to avoid a flare.
I hate feeling disabled but I'm happy to put the shovel down. There are a few "benefits," if you will to vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. For instance, my cousin in-law was in labor for the last 30 hours. That's something I won't have to endure.
Apparently snow shoveling puts pressure on the pudendal nerve. I noticed as I lifted a shovel load of heavy snow there was a twinge of pain in the opening of my urethra. I tried to shovel a few more times, but pain persisted. I decided to quit and rest my nerve to avoid a flare.
I hate feeling disabled but I'm happy to put the shovel down. There are a few "benefits," if you will to vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. For instance, my cousin in-law was in labor for the last 30 hours. That's something I won't have to endure.
February 6, 2010
Blizzard Good For Vulvodynia But Bad For Pudendal Neuralgia
We have over two feet of snow on the ground here. Digging out has been a nightmare. My husband took care of the sidewalk while I tackled my car. The furious winds created snowdrifts all over the neighborhood and a nice big one right against my car.
After clearing away as much as I could from the top and right side, I decided to try to clear away the mountain of snow on the left side. As I trudged around the car I quickly found myself up to my lady bits in snow. Frankly it was kind of nice. I thought maybe every lady out there with vulvodynia should take a few minutes to have a seat in the snow. A couple steps further and suddenly the snow was over my boobs. I was completely buried. Because my car is only about a foot and a half away from my neighbor's fence clearing away that side was futile, but I still had fun.
In the backyard we started playing in the snow. I dove backwards off the porch into the snow. It was like landing in a memory foam bed. If it weren't so damn cold I could have stayed there for hours. Not the smartest thing to do with pudendal neuralgia, but I was fairly confident that I would have a soft landing.
I normally hate snow. I had a sledding accident when I was 16 that may have actually caused my pudendal neuralgia. My parents lived on a big hill so winter weather was always a blast. One afternoon I took my standard poodle out with me to keep me company while I went sledding [technically an only child : ( ]. I climbed to the top of the hill for my first ride. I took off at a good speed. My dog ran playfully beside me. Suddenly I hit something hard, was thrown up in the air and landed on my back with the sled on top of me.
The impact knocked the wind out of me. I hit my tailbone so hard that I thought I was paralyzed. As I regained my breath I remember telling myself, "ok try to move your toes." I did so I knew I was ok. I was in so much pain I couldn't get up for a few minutes. My dog sat anxiously by my side.
When I finally got to my feet I realized what had happened. I hit a tree stump hidden under the snow. I dragged my sled back to the house and vowed to never sled again. I still haven't. From that point on, I've hated snow.
I didn't show symptoms of pudendal neuralgia for a few years, but that's the only injury I sustained to that area. I'll probably never know definitively what caused my PN, but at least I've made peace with the snow.
January 15, 2010
It's Out Of My Hands
My applications are in for nursing school. I can't fuss over them anymore, they are as good as they're going to be.
Back in 2007 when I began my quest to save vaginas from vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, I never thought I would get to this point. Three and a half years is a long time, especially when you're only taking one class per semester. I felt like I was moving at a glacial pace, it was incredibly frustrating.
Now I'm standing on the edge of a ravine without knowing how I will proceed. Will I fall off the edge to land broken at the bottom or will a bridge appear to safely deliver me to the other side? It's frightening to think about and I try not to as much as possible. Completing the applications helps push the worries out of my mind. I'm keeping myself pretty numb to the whole thing.
Now all I can do is wait. I think both schools have rolling admission so hopefully I won't be waiting too long...
Back in 2007 when I began my quest to save vaginas from vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, I never thought I would get to this point. Three and a half years is a long time, especially when you're only taking one class per semester. I felt like I was moving at a glacial pace, it was incredibly frustrating.
Now I'm standing on the edge of a ravine without knowing how I will proceed. Will I fall off the edge to land broken at the bottom or will a bridge appear to safely deliver me to the other side? It's frightening to think about and I try not to as much as possible. Completing the applications helps push the worries out of my mind. I'm keeping myself pretty numb to the whole thing.
Now all I can do is wait. I think both schools have rolling admission so hopefully I won't be waiting too long...
January 13, 2010
Success with the Compound and So Much More...
I decided that after nearly three years it was time for this blog to get a makeover. I found a template that's even girlier and vaginaier(?) I like it!
On to the compound... I've been using it for two weeks and I decided that I like the sample-sized compound better. The other one gets grainy as you rub it in, like rubbing sand into your squish. Why would anyone want to do that?
I know it can take a few months to see results, but I think my vulvodynia is improving. I'm having less pain during and after sex already. The best part is the trace amount of testosterone is making me horny. I love it! I feel like my old self again. I'm sure being on the right psych meds helps too.
On to the compound... I've been using it for two weeks and I decided that I like the sample-sized compound better. The other one gets grainy as you rub it in, like rubbing sand into your squish. Why would anyone want to do that?
I know it can take a few months to see results, but I think my vulvodynia is improving. I'm having less pain during and after sex already. The best part is the trace amount of testosterone is making me horny. I love it! I feel like my old self again. I'm sure being on the right psych meds helps too.
January 6, 2010
The Sampler
I saw my pelvic pain specialist last week about the resurgence of my vulvodynia and I told him that the base of the estrogen/testosterone was causing my skin a great deal of irritation. I asked if the compound could be water-based. He explained that because the hormones are lipid-(fat)based they are unable to bond to a water base. Think oil and vinegar.
He then went into his drawer and pulled out all sorts of bottles and tubes. With a tissue handy, he placed a drop of two different bases, one on each hand for comparison. I rubbed my thumb and index fingers together to get a feel for each base. I didn't want something thick and goopy like Vaseline.
I was torn between two bases: one was very smooth and light, while the other was a bit thicker. I was concerned that the lighter base wouldn't be as effective. My doctor arranged to have the compound I liked best as a full prescription and he also ordered a sample of the thicker compound. He said, "try both and decide what works best for you."
I just had no idea any of this was possible. I didn't think we could use so many different products. My doctor looked like the Avon lady.
He did scold me for stopping the compound without seeing him first. I could have avoided all of this pain. The compound builds up your skin over time because the hormones actually enter the skin cells. Those skin cells multiply and the skin in the affected area improves.
After stopping the compound, it takes a few months for the stronger cells to be shed. That explains why I was fine for three months without it.
The kicker is, while it takes a few months to wear off, it also takes a few month to start working. I'm starting from zero.
Lesson for the Day: Always consult your doctor before changing or stopping a medication.
He then went into his drawer and pulled out all sorts of bottles and tubes. With a tissue handy, he placed a drop of two different bases, one on each hand for comparison. I rubbed my thumb and index fingers together to get a feel for each base. I didn't want something thick and goopy like Vaseline.
I was torn between two bases: one was very smooth and light, while the other was a bit thicker. I was concerned that the lighter base wouldn't be as effective. My doctor arranged to have the compound I liked best as a full prescription and he also ordered a sample of the thicker compound. He said, "try both and decide what works best for you."
I just had no idea any of this was possible. I didn't think we could use so many different products. My doctor looked like the Avon lady.
He did scold me for stopping the compound without seeing him first. I could have avoided all of this pain. The compound builds up your skin over time because the hormones actually enter the skin cells. Those skin cells multiply and the skin in the affected area improves.After stopping the compound, it takes a few months for the stronger cells to be shed. That explains why I was fine for three months without it.
The kicker is, while it takes a few months to wear off, it also takes a few month to start working. I'm starting from zero.
Lesson for the Day: Always consult your doctor before changing or stopping a medication.
December 29, 2009
Christmas CAME Early, Then I Got A Lump Of Coal
My husband and I spent the holiday with his family out of town. The day before we left, we got down to business, knowing it wasn't happening while we were under his parents' roof. I hadn't had an orgasm probably since the beginning of the honeymoon in mid-October. Let me clarify, I haven't had an orgasm with him since then.
There are a lot of factors that influenced my dry spell: for one thing I was depressed, so sex wasn't happening very often and also performances were less than stellar... But that day, I was at the helm. I didn't think it would happen, but it snuck up on me and boy did it feel good! A clitoral orgasm cannot compare to a vaginal orgasm in my book.
That leg-shaking, toe-curling experience drastically reduced my stress level while we were away.
However, just like the last time we knocked boots, I had a great deal of pain at the opening of my pink orchid that continued long after the sex was over and the lidocaine had been applied. Obviously, my vulvodynia is back with a vengeance.
To repair the damage I began regularly applying the estrogen/testosterone compound, and quickly found out why I had stopped it in the first place (I should really read my own blog!). It irritates the skin in the surrounding area, especially my clit.
The compound is Vaseline-based, so it's hard to wash off. The longer it lingers, the more my skin flares. I'm hoping my doctor can prescribe something that is water-based.
The pain from the sex trauma and the compound trauma has dissipated, but don't worry I fixed that by going to the gym and spending too much time on the elliptical machine. I caused a pudendal nerve flare that is concentrated on the opening of my urethra (sorry I don't have a fun way to describe that).
How the Hell am I supposed to lose the wedding weight, the honeymoon weight and the holiday weight? This blows.
Also, all the cheating I've done at work crouching on a desk chair when I should be standing has messed up my tail bone. Now it hurts to sit for a whole new reason! But to make it even better, it also hurts to bend over and lie flat on my back! Awesome!
This is what cheating gets you ladies: a whole new set of problems.
Please forgive me for the paragraphs of bitching. I just had to get it all out. Despite all this crap, I'm managing pretty well. I'm actually amused by how messed up things are right now. Perhaps that humor came through.
There are a lot of factors that influenced my dry spell: for one thing I was depressed, so sex wasn't happening very often and also performances were less than stellar... But that day, I was at the helm. I didn't think it would happen, but it snuck up on me and boy did it feel good! A clitoral orgasm cannot compare to a vaginal orgasm in my book.
That leg-shaking, toe-curling experience drastically reduced my stress level while we were away.
However, just like the last time we knocked boots, I had a great deal of pain at the opening of my pink orchid that continued long after the sex was over and the lidocaine had been applied. Obviously, my vulvodynia is back with a vengeance.
To repair the damage I began regularly applying the estrogen/testosterone compound, and quickly found out why I had stopped it in the first place (I should really read my own blog!). It irritates the skin in the surrounding area, especially my clit.
The compound is Vaseline-based, so it's hard to wash off. The longer it lingers, the more my skin flares. I'm hoping my doctor can prescribe something that is water-based.
The pain from the sex trauma and the compound trauma has dissipated, but don't worry I fixed that by going to the gym and spending too much time on the elliptical machine. I caused a pudendal nerve flare that is concentrated on the opening of my urethra (sorry I don't have a fun way to describe that).
How the Hell am I supposed to lose the wedding weight, the honeymoon weight and the holiday weight? This blows.
Also, all the cheating I've done at work crouching on a desk chair when I should be standing has messed up my tail bone. Now it hurts to sit for a whole new reason! But to make it even better, it also hurts to bend over and lie flat on my back! Awesome!
This is what cheating gets you ladies: a whole new set of problems.
Please forgive me for the paragraphs of bitching. I just had to get it all out. Despite all this crap, I'm managing pretty well. I'm actually amused by how messed up things are right now. Perhaps that humor came through.
December 21, 2009
When You Slack On Your Meds You Pay The Price
With my altered emotional state, sex has not been a top priority, but thankfully I'm feeling more like myself now.
Last night, I decided to get it on, but I almost had to tell my husband to get it off. I felt so much pain at the moment of penetration, I involuntarily pushed him. For a fleeting second, I thought I have to stop, but like always I soldiered on. I don't want to give my husband a complex. He worries too much about everything as it is.
The pain is concentrated around the opening of my squish, and trust me it's still burning bright right now. I believe this is primarily a vulvodynia issue based on the location of the discomfort. I have to confess that I haven't used my estrogen testosterone compound in months. Perhaps all that resilience has worn off.
Tonight it's back to the compound and maybe I'll get intimate with an icepack for a while. I am really uncomfortable. I hope I haven't really set myself back.
Last night, I decided to get it on, but I almost had to tell my husband to get it off. I felt so much pain at the moment of penetration, I involuntarily pushed him. For a fleeting second, I thought I have to stop, but like always I soldiered on. I don't want to give my husband a complex. He worries too much about everything as it is.
The pain is concentrated around the opening of my squish, and trust me it's still burning bright right now. I believe this is primarily a vulvodynia issue based on the location of the discomfort. I have to confess that I haven't used my estrogen testosterone compound in months. Perhaps all that resilience has worn off.
Tonight it's back to the compound and maybe I'll get intimate with an icepack for a while. I am really uncomfortable. I hope I haven't really set myself back.
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