February 11, 2011

It's Hurting More...


I've been doing really well with my pudendal neuralgia symptoms, aside from my attempt at Zumba.  On the other hand, unfortunately, I've been experiencing more problems with my vulvodynia. 

Nursing school and living with my parents have completely killed my sex drive.  From the time I turned 13, I've always been an overly sexual being.  It feels very strange.  I feel like a very big, important part of myself is missing.  My husband has become the sexual aggressor, but he's terrible at it.  It's my fault, though, I taught him that all he needed to do was tell me he was in the mood and I would jump him.  Those instructions came under completely different circumstances, when he had no sex drive. 

Having him say in passing that he wants sex is repulsive.  I never expected to feel this way.  We rarely have sex now and when we do, I have to force myself.  I don't want to disappoint him and reject him all the time.  I know those are not the right reasons to have sex. 

That could potentially be contributing to my increase in pain.  It's a new pain.  There is a great deal of pain upon insertion and it takes much longer to dissipate.  Where my pain was always focused on the base of the vestibule, but now the pain encircles the entire entrance.

Naturally the increase in pain does not help my nonexistent sex drive.  I've thought about seeing my specialist about it, but I don't want to bother.

It's sad.  I never thought I would be so indifferent to sex.

There are probably other issues I need to address in order to understand what's happened to me.     

10 comments:

Katrina NorthW. said...

I totally understand how you feel, the thought of having sex outright scares me. Vulvodynia robbed me of my sexuality and I still haven't recovered.

Gabapentin cream has reduced my pain but it's still there. The pain in my urethra is worse with sex so I avoid it.

The doctors don't bother to treat the mental aspect of vulvodynia. I should of been in therapy since I'm struggling more with the mental and emotional pain of vulvodynia more than physical right now.

Women are given such a double standard compared to men. If men get erectile dysfunction they get pills and everything is fixed. If a woman has sexual dysfunction, she's called frigid. It drives me bonkers.

I hope everything gets better for you, vulvodynia is a long journey.

sworddancewarrior said...

I have my vulva pain under control now - my cause is different (an old injury) and probably my pain, but I found that rinsing with water with a squeeze bottle after I pee stepped my symptoms down hugely. Forgive me for asking, but couldn't you two have sex that doesn't involve him penetrating your vagina? There are lots of other pleasurable things people do.

If each time you have sex it hurts, no wonder you're not interested. I have a safe, mostly safe and not safe sex list, with activities on it that I alwasy can and want to do on the safe list, and the maybe/sometimes items on the mostly safe list, and items I never do on the not safe list. In my experience it really helps to get my sex drive back if I start by doing only the safe items and never doing the unsafe items. When things are going well, sometimes I might do the maybe safe items. It's been my experience that if I know for sure it wasn't going to result in pain or fear of pain, I get my sexual interest back. Just a suggestion, good luck.

the girl with pain "down there" said...

In my experience, continuing to have sex when you have no desire results in bad psychological problems. Now with all my vagina problems, my biggest problem is my head and how much I don't want to have anything to due with sex. I suggest that you stop having sex comletely until you get your drive back or it will just get worse.

Beth said...

I am sad for you.
You are soooo not alone. Thank you for once again telling it like it is. What a lot of us are thinking or feeling.

I just turned 36 last week, and feel a lot like you do. This should be a great time in my husbands and mine sex life. Kids are not toddlers, no birth control worries anymore, etc. but the PN has robbed us of many years of intimacy. We do still have sex a couple of times a month, but it is no where near the level we'd both like to be at.

I think Katrina had such an amazing point about the mental aspect of sexual pain. There's so much going on....and yet, sadly, NOT going on....

Hang in there. Thanks again for posting.

Lora said...

I'm late in getting here, but I want to say some of the same things that were already said because sometimes we can't hear them enough.

Although I hate to admit it, my vvd is worsened with stress, anxiety, depression, whatever. I hate to say "yes, my mental health DOES influence my vaginal and vulvar pain" because I feel like saying that contributes to the misconception that this is "all in our heads".

But like any physical pain- arthritis, migraines, broken bones, etc.- it hurts worse when we aren't at our emotional and mental best.

And when your body has learned over and over that something hurts it, it starts to avoid that something. We wouldn't repeatedly hit our heads with hammers.
That's an analogy of course, but not far from what we're talking about.

Sex and sexuality and intimacy is such a large part of our relationships and marriages and when it hurts us our body tells us to stop while our minds and hearts tell us to go. We don't want to disappoint our partners. We don't want the added stress and emotional pain that taking sex out of our lives causes. So we do it. And suffer. And stress out about it. And it makes all our physical issues worse.

It's a vicious cycle.

In our little community here we've seen divorces and breakups and fighting and even abuse when we turn off our sex lives. It's horrible. The most understanding and patient partners have a breaking point. And none of us want to find it.

So we try. And suffer. And hurt ourselves. And suffer.

I don't know how to end this other than by saying I've been there. I understand.

naninha said...

I have been massaging my pelvic muscles and it has helped me a lot. After been to several Docs here in the USA and abroad, I surf the net looking for help from others, one day I found a lady that explained how to do the massages. I am not a computer expert forgot her info and don't know how to retrieve it. This is how I do it (the massage) I place a tennis ball between the anus and the vagina opening. ( The fist time the pain was so intense I think I might have passed out.) I did it thru the day for 10 minutes. It is amazing how it helped. Next was the internal massage I tried looking for a therapist but after been ridiculed I decided to do it on my own. This is how I did it: I sit on the bathroom floor get both my thumb lubricated with ky and slowly insert the right thumb massages the left side and than I massage the right side with the left thumb. This has helped me a lot. One other thing that I have done in the past is apply a thin layer of preparation h on the vulva. I would recommend do it at night because it does hurt a first and than it gets better. Together somehow we will bit this hell. I too suffer a lot from this miserable shit. Love to you all.

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