February 11, 2011
It's Hurting More...
I've been doing really well with my pudendal neuralgia symptoms, aside from my attempt at Zumba. On the other hand, unfortunately, I've been experiencing more problems with my vulvodynia.
Nursing school and living with my parents have completely killed my sex drive. From the time I turned 13, I've always been an overly sexual being. It feels very strange. I feel like a very big, important part of myself is missing. My husband has become the sexual aggressor, but he's terrible at it. It's my fault, though, I taught him that all he needed to do was tell me he was in the mood and I would jump him. Those instructions came under completely different circumstances, when he had no sex drive.
Having him say in passing that he wants sex is repulsive. I never expected to feel this way. We rarely have sex now and when we do, I have to force myself. I don't want to disappoint him and reject him all the time. I know those are not the right reasons to have sex.
That could potentially be contributing to my increase in pain. It's a new pain. There is a great deal of pain upon insertion and it takes much longer to dissipate. Where my pain was always focused on the base of the vestibule, but now the pain encircles the entire entrance.
Naturally the increase in pain does not help my nonexistent sex drive. I've thought about seeing my specialist about it, but I don't want to bother.
It's sad. I never thought I would be so indifferent to sex.
There are probably other issues I need to address in order to understand what's happened to me.