September 30, 2009

Swine Flu & Vulvodynia

Ten days until my wedding, and I find out I probably have swine flu. I spoke to my doctor today and told him my symptoms. He said, "I think you have the flu." I told him that was strange because I got a flu shot 15 days ago. He said, "you didn't get a shot for swine flu and that's what's going around right now." His lab doesn't test for swine flu and he said that can often be inaccurate. He advised me to stay home, avoid people and not go back to work until I've been clear of a fever for 24 hours.

It started yesterday. I woke up feeling sick, but I shook it off and went to work. As the day wore on, my nose was dripping like a faucet. It wasn't like snot. It was like I was crying big splattering tears from my nose. I started to feel weak and light headed. I asked my supervisor if I could go home, although I was concerned about how I would get there. I got myself home and collapsed into bed. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. It was exhausting to breathe. My neck, my arms and my legs ached when I moved.

I told my mom and she offered to drop off some medicine and soup. She called me after she had driven away to tell me she had left it on the porch. It's like I have the plague. My sister is afraid to see my parents because they saw me on Monday.

My fiance is sick, but he seems to just have a head cold. Thank God! I don't know how he doesn't have it. I pray that he doesn't start showing symptoms next week. We'll really be in trouble!

I'm trying not to think like that because it just makes me anxious. There's nothing I can do. It's all out of my hands. All I can do is try to get better.

I feel horrible. I hate feeling trapped and isolated at my house. I hate doing nothing. I always like to be busy and productive. There are things I need to do at work before we go on our honeymoon and I just can't do them. I physically need to be in the office to take care of them. I'm stressed about that.

The only positive note in this whole mess is that being sick is very good for my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm essentially reclining all the time. I'm not putting any pressure on my nerve. At least that's good. I couldn't take any extra pain right now.

September 25, 2009

Vulvodynia VS The Wedding Dress

I've been cool as a cucumber through this year of wedding planning. I haven't been stressed about anything until Tuesday. That night I went for my last dress fitting. It was a balmy day and my seamstress didn't have the air conditioning on in her house. It felt a little stuffy, but not uncomfortable.

Once the dress was on, it was a different story. My dress is large. I have a huge crinoline and a ball grown skirt. There have to be at least 30 layers of fabric between my lady business and the outside world. I started to get hot in my dress and my flower began to wilt.

I hadn't thought about being hot in the dress. I started to feel very anxious. If I'm hot in that dress, I'm going to sweat. If I sweat too much, I could develop a yeast infection or a spike in lactobacillus or a smegma build up. All of which could lead to days and even weeks of pain.

One night of sweaty kitty could ruin my wedding night and even my entire honeymoon. Would you want to spend 8 hours walking in a foreign city if your crotch was on fire?

I started to feel hopeless and overwhelmed. Normal women don't have to worry about this nasty crap on their wedding day. It's not fair. I hate my vagina sometimes.

On the car ride home I curled up in a little ball. I felt powerless. My mom tried to comfort me. She told me to request that the AC be on at the reception location.

Since that night of panic, I've picked myself up and started strategizing. I made the request for AC and they were happy to oblige at the reception site. I'm going to pack a hand-held fan and baby powder in my bag along with a few pairs of cotton panties.

I don't really wear panties of any kind because the pressure irritates my clit. I purchased some hipster panties that have some extra clam room. I'm going to try wearing them a few times and see how my clit manages.

I don't want my stupid crippled vagina to ruin my big night. I'm afraid I'm going to have to periodically sneak away to air out my goods. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

September 17, 2009

Same Smegma, Different Day

Ugh! This is driving me crazy and it's so gross! It seems like every other day I have an accumulation of smegma in the folds of my clit. This causes pain, irritation and swelling. Smegma accumulation is a natural occurrence. In normal women, they don't even realize it's happening. It builds up and sloughs off, just like any other skin cells.

Unfortunately for me and other women with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, it can be extremely uncomfortable. Even worse is trying to get that smegma out of those folds. The stretching and pulling and rubbing only heighten the pain.

I went and saw my doctor about this matter a few weeks ago. I asked him what I could do about it. He said soak, use a squirt bottle or a hand-held shower head. I have a hand held shower head. When there's something really lodged in there, naturally my shower head fails.

I was hoping he would tell me something useful! Something I hadn't already tried. Even doctors don't have all the answers...

I am really looking forward to the season change. The summer heat has obviously exacerbated this rather indelicate problem to the Nth degree. Cooler weather means no steamed clam. I can't wait!

September 14, 2009

Dear Readers,

As you all know, I suffer from chronic pain. There are days when the pain is unmanageable and I have to resort to prescription pain medication to be comfortable. On those days I take Vicodin, an acetaminophen combination drug.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is considering advice from its Advisory Committee that would eliminate all prescription acetaminophen combination medications (like Vicodin, Percocet). These changes could negatively affect me and other people suffering from pain who rely on these medicines every day.

I signed the petition "Acetaminophen: Educate, Do Not Regulate". I'm asking you to sign this petition to help us reach our goal of 5,000 signatures. I care deeply about this cause, and I hope you will support our efforts.

Thank you for your support,

September 1, 2009

Not the Best Idea... But So Worth It

I've been feeling a little blue lately. I'm feeling quite stuck. I'm stuck at my job. I'm VERY thankful to have my job, but I really want to move forward with my new career. I'm stuck with the 3 year evening and weekend nursing program because we can't afford for me to go to school full time. And I'm stuck in a house that's entirely too small for the two of us.

Everything in our lives is either on hold or moving at a glacial pace. Sometimes it gets really discouraging.

My partner gave consoled me and made me feel a lot better. He also suggested a shoulder massage in the bathtub... We lit some candles and ran a bath. This was the first time we were going to break in our newly renovated bathroom. Wow it was HOT in there and I am not taking about the water temperature.

One thing lead to another and we decided to do some aqua aerobics, if you know what I mean... I always have to use a lot of KY to protect myself from trauma. I knew most of it would wash away in the tub, but I was willing to take that chance.

There was some pain and some friction, but it was incredible. That was two days ago and I'm still hurting. All the pain is again concentrated in my urethra again. UGH.

Right now, I'm saying it was worth it. If I still feel like this next week, I may feel differently about my aquatic adventure. Hopefully I can rest enough over the holiday weekend to allow my pudendal nerve to recover...