July 28, 2009

Serious Design Flaw

On more than one occasion I've discovered that my clit was tender and swollen. Upon a thorough examination I've always found a buildup of shed cells stuck in one of the many nooks and crannies. Why are there so many folds down there? How do those folds benefit us?

Men would have a similar problem, but we circumcise them. In the USA, we take away the ugly extra folds of the foreskin that could cause hygiene problems. Why can't I get a little taken off the top? I'm not talking about full female circumcision. That's a horrific practice. I would just appreciate having my clit opened up a bit so stuff wouldn't get stuck in there.

I woke up in pain this morning. Usually I'm pain free in the morning, but today my clit feels raw and the opening of my urethra burns. The worst part is the urethral burning seems to be independent of peeing. What is going on down there?!?!?

I can't get comfortable and I have a painfully (yes, pun intended) long day. I have class until 10pm on top of a full day at the office. I'm going to go crazy. I can't skip it. It's the last class before the final, plus I have a quiz.

Sometimes, I wish I could just leave my vagina at home.

July 21, 2009

The Pee Pain Cleared Up

On Friday night my partner and I were packing for a weekend with his family. We got a little distracted by each other and wound up getting it on. There was a shot of pain through my urethra at the beginning. The pain gave way to pleasure and relaxation. It has been about a week and a half since our last encounter. I needed it.

Unfortunately because my area was out of whack, I didn't use my compound all week. That became painfully obvious when I went to clean off. The burning was unbelievable. I thought, "God is this what it was like in college? No wonder I cried every time I had sex!" Ouch! I used some lidocaine to numb the burning. My urethra was also in flames.

I worried that I had crippled myself for the entire weekend. I took have a vicodin before we got on the road. It was very difficult to find a comfortable position in the car. I squirmed around a lot, hoping my partner wouldn't notice. Lucky for me, he can be utterly oblivious.

When I went to bed that night, I applied the compound and took another vicodin. In the morning I was much better. I'm not sure how sex and a drug cocktail put an end to my urethral pain, but I'm grateful to be better.

July 17, 2009

It Hurts After I Pee

Since last Saturday I've had a sharp pain in my urethra after I pee. It feels like someone stuck a knitting needle in there. It's very uncomfortable. I haven't found a position that alleviates it, but I have found lying down in certain positions makes the pain worse. Strange.

So the question is: do I have a nerve flare concentrated in my urethra or do I have an infection that is being magnified by my pudendal neuralgia? I really don't know. I don't have any other UTI symptoms, like urgency or increased frequency.

There have been times when I've had sex in certain positions and the opening of my urethra has been hit or rubbed the wrong way. The pain is similar, but it wasn't linked to peeing. This time, there was no sexual trauma.

I don't know what could have brought it on besides the summer heat. Let's face it ladies, on a hot day, you're going to sweat down there. Pink part perspiration has caused me a lot of problems lately.

When my kitty gets overheated, my lactobacillus population increases causing burning similar to a yeast infection.

Could my hot muff have caused my urethral pain?

I'm drinking cranberry juice and hoping it will go away on it's own. I just saw my doctor last week. If it's not better by Monday I'll call. This is contrary to my, "Why Suffer," motto, but it's good to be sure you need medical assistance first.

I haven't been able to have sex all week and, of course, it has to be the week my partner has eyes for me. Hopefully he'll still be hot for me when this goes away. Maybe I'm just more appealing when he can't have me... or I'm not asking for it...

There might be a lesson in all this.

July 11, 2009

Just to Clarify

I believe you have to love your partner, warts and all. I'm far from perfect and so is he. At times this blog becomes my arena to bitch late at night about a problem that we're having. I'm very grateful to have a place to vent. I really need it sometimes.

My partner is unfairly represented on this blog because I don't write about the good stuff. That's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my chronic pelvic pain and that pain plays a role in my relationship at times.

My partner is an incredible man, with a good heart. I'm truly blessed to have found him. I would not be where I am without his positive influence on my life. I have never been so happy or so well. He brings out the good in me that I didn't know was there. He supports my dreams and he believes in me. He makes me happy. Thinking about him makes me smile. Even after three years, I still get starry eyed.

I can't wait to be his wife. I am so proud to have him.

July 10, 2009

I'm Not Sure How To Answer That: On Marriage

I'm getting married in three months. Scary, I know... My fiance is Catholic and it was important to him and his family that we have a Catholic ceremony. I am not Catholic, so it won't be a full mass, but it will still be considered a sacrament.

There are a lot of requirements in order to have a Catholic marriage. We had to go to marriage classes, take an hour long online exam, complete a lot of paperwork, and answer some very personal questions. The Catholic church takes marriage very seriously. I respect that.

For any normal woman in the hot seat, the questions wouldn't cause concern, but for a woman with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, it's a different story.

At our first meeting with the deacon, we had to meet with him separately to answer a series of questions. My fiance went first. I figured if there were any road blocks, he could navigate them better than I. He was asked, "do you know of any problem that would prevent you from having a physical relationship with your future spouse?"

Naturally he said no, but he felt that in some ways his answer was not entirely true.

When my turn arrived, I was asked, "is there any condition that could prevent you from having children?"

In both cases the answer is technically yes. Yes, there are times when I cannot have intercourse with my partner because I have vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. And yes, because of those conditions it will be more difficult to have a child and natural birth is out of the question. But that's not the right answer.

I can't stand to be deceitful, but I don't think that line of questioning warranted a lecture on chronic pelvic pain.

The second time we met with the deacon, I was asked if I suffered from mental illness. I wasn't so cool with my answer that time. The question caught me completely off guard.

"That's an awfully personal question. What do they consider mental illness? I have anxiety sometimes, does that count?"

"I think they mean something debilitating like being institutionalized or having something like schizophrenia."

Hmmm. Aren't there HIPPA laws in place to protect my medical history?

I want to reiterate that I respect the desire of the Catholic church to try to ensure that their unions involve many children and don't end in divorse. I guess I just found it ironic that I got hit with those questions.

At this stage, I am capable of having fairly frequent intercourse and I see no reason why I couldn't have children. There is always the possibility that my world will come crashing down on me and I will lose those luxuries. I don't, however, think that's something that Catholic church needs to worry about.

July 1, 2009

I Take Vicodin and the FDA Wants to Take It Away

This is outrageous! A panel has just recommended that the FDA ban Vicodin and Percocet because they can cause liver damage. What's next, are they going to ban alcohol? How many people suffer from liver failure related the excessive alcohol intake? The important word in that sentence is excessive.

How many people who had liver failure from these meds actually had a prescription, of that number, how many of those people were taking them correctly? One concern is that people would take Vicodin and then take Tylenol or NyQuil, not realizing that all of these drugs contain acetaminophen. Then why don't they just put a big warning on the bottle, "this drug contains acetaminophen and may interact with other drugs that contain acetaminophen."

I take Vicodin as needed for pain. On average, I probably take it once a month. I'll take one pill in one day and no more. I don't mix it with other pain killers or cold medications. I take it safely and responsibly. But apparently the FDA panel doesn't think I'm capable of properly taking my medication. Instead of making it more difficult for these medications to be prescribed to the wrong people, the panel advises that the drugs are taken off the shelves completely. It doesn't matter that many Americans rely on these medications to living comfortable, functional lives.

This decision is so painfully short sighted! They aren't thinking about the people who need these medications, they are only concerned about the people who abuse these medications, the people who shouldn't have access to this medication anyway.

I'm frightened and angry. I strongly believe that I have the right to take this medication responsibly. If the FDA takes away my medication, the FDA takes away my rights as a patient with chronic pain.