February 22, 2010

When Is the Right Time to Tell Him It Hurt

I've been back on my estrogen/testosterone compound for a while now and when I get horny, look out!  A few weeks ago, in a fit of passion I encouraged my partner to do something that on any other day I keep off limits: I slid his finger inside me.  What he did from there was mind-blowing.  I've only let one or two other people do that to me and I've NEVER enjoyed it at all. 

In three and a half years together, this is the first time he's done that.  It felt incredible.  It didn't bring me to climax, but it just felt so damn good.  With my extreme desire and his new found confidence in the sack, we've been having some steamy evenings.

Last Thursday night, we had what I would consider the greatest sexual encounter of our relationship.  Nothing comes close.  It was amazing.  There are no other words.

Tonight was great, except for one thing...  I didn't tell him no or gentle or ouch or be careful of that.  First of all, I wasn't in the mood for foreplay.  I just wanted sex.  My partner wanted to touch me.  I thought about saying something, but I didn't.  He was running his finger back and forth from the top of my clit to the end of my snatch.  He kept rubbing the opening of my urethra.  I thought, "I'm going to feel that tomorrow," but I didn't say anything.  My partner rubbed my clit vigorously and it hurt a bit, but I just didn't want to say anything. 

Now, three hours later my clit is still swollen and irritated and my urethral meatus feels uncomfortable.  All of this could have been avoided if I had just told him something to deter him.  But he's been so confident and I know how fragile that confidence is.  I didn't want to risk him pulling back and shutting down.  I'm now wondering if I should let him know to be careful with certain areas or just let it go.

The question is: when is the right time to tell him it hurts, if the pain isn't that bad?  In the moment?  Right after?  Days later?  Never?

I don't know if there's a correct answer.  I'm eager to hear what you think.  What the best way to tell him or her?

February 11, 2010

Shovelling Upset My Kitty

Today I had to dig out my car and my driveway once again.  This is really getting old! 

Apparently snow shoveling puts pressure on the pudendal nerve.  I noticed as I lifted a shovel load of heavy snow there was a twinge of pain in the opening of my urethra.  I tried to shovel a few more times, but pain persisted.  I decided to quit and rest my nerve to avoid a flare. 

I hate feeling disabled but I'm happy to put the shovel down.  There are a few "benefits," if you will to vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.  For instance, my cousin in-law was in labor for the last 30 hours.  That's something I won't have to endure.  

February 10, 2010

How Many Inches...

We just got walloped with another 20 inches of snow! ! !  I'm going to miss an entire week of work at this rate.  The good news is we haven't lost power.  We're just stuck.  I hate being trapped in any capacity literally and figuratively.  I can't get much more trapped! 

Yesterday we walked through the neighborhood to the nearest convenience store because I needed a machine cappuccino.  I was reading for school and it was putting me to sleep.  While we were there I bought my first ever Playgirl.  What else am I going to do while I'm stuck here?

I have a fascination with penis.  If I had it my way, I would see a lot more penis than I do.  Wow!  Playgirl is just full of penis!  I had no idea.  I didn't know they showed everything.  I just figured like every other double standard in Hollywood, we would just see a suggestive glimpse of penis here and there.  But no, I opened the first page and there was penis everywhere. 

I haven't spent a lot of time looking at Playgirl, but you know the typical girl that winds up in there satisfies the American standard of "beauty" and most of them have nice round fake boobs.  The same standards are not applied to Playgirl.  Perhaps nice penis is hard to come by (oh lord, pun intended).

A lot of the cocks in this issue are of average length and many are just plain ugly! ! !  Don't even get me started on the balls!  Some guys looked downright deformed.  Oh well, at least I got a heaping serving of cock.  That should satisfy me for a while.   

February 6, 2010

Blizzard Good For Vulvodynia But Bad For Pudendal Neuralgia

We have over two feet of snow on the ground here.  Digging out has been a nightmare.  My husband took care of the sidewalk while I tackled my car.  The furious winds created snowdrifts all over the neighborhood and a nice big one right against my car. 

After clearing away as much as I could from the top and right side, I decided to try to clear away the mountain of snow on the left side.  As I trudged around the car I quickly found myself up to my lady bits in snow.  Frankly it was kind of nice.  I thought maybe every lady out there with vulvodynia should take a few minutes to have a seat in the snow.  A couple steps further and suddenly the snow was over my boobs.  I was completely buried.  Because my car is only about a foot and a half away from my neighbor's fence clearing away that side was futile, but I still had fun.

In the backyard we started playing in the snow.  I dove backwards off the porch into the snow.  It was like landing in a memory foam bed.  If it weren't so damn cold I could have stayed there for hours.  Not the smartest thing to do with pudendal neuralgia, but I was fairly confident that I would have a soft landing.

I normally hate snow.  I had a sledding accident when I was 16 that may have actually caused my pudendal neuralgia.  My parents lived on a big hill so winter weather was always a blast.  One afternoon I took my standard poodle out with me to keep me company while I went sledding [technically an only child : ( ].  I climbed to the top of the hill for my first ride.  I took off at a good speed.  My dog ran playfully beside me.  Suddenly I hit something hard, was thrown up in the air and landed on my back with the sled on top of me.

The impact knocked the wind out of me.  I hit my tailbone so hard that I thought I was paralyzed.  As I regained my breath I remember telling myself, "ok try to move your toes."  I did so I knew I was ok.  I was in so much pain I couldn't get up for a few minutes.  My dog sat anxiously by my side.

When I finally got to my feet I realized what had happened.  I hit a tree stump hidden under the snow.  I dragged my sled back to the house and vowed to never sled again.  I still haven't.  From that point on, I've hated snow.

I didn't show symptoms of pudendal neuralgia for a few years, but that's the only injury I sustained to that area.  I'll probably never know definitively what caused my PN, but at least I've made peace with the snow.