June 21, 2009

I'm So Much Better and What Has It Gotten Me...

In some ways I was better off when I was crippled by vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm beginning to worry about how sexually compatible my partner and I are. When I had to go weeks without intercourse, we didn't have a problem. He understood and I did plenty of things in the interim to keep him satisfied. Now that I have a pretty good handle on the vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, I can have sex more frequently. I can even have sex two days in a row! Although I can, I usually don't, because my partner isn't in the mood.

I have a lot of trouble wrapping me head around that. Call me sexist, but he's a man! Shouldn't he be perpetually in the mood? Shouldn't he be ready to go any time? Shouldn't even suggestive dialogue get him turn him on? Apparently not.

I've never been with someone like this before. Every guy I've ever been with has had a very strong sex drive. Even the one night stands, obviously they wouldn't have happened if the guy hadn't been ready to rip someones clothes off. I was just stupid enough to volunteer.

Sexual compatibility is extremely important to a successful lifelong relationship, even the Catholic Church thinks so. That's why I'm up at my computer at 1:00 in the morning. I'm worried that my partner cannot satisfy my sexual needs. How can I spend the rest of my life in that situation? How can I work so hard DAILY to enjoy sex only to be rejected time and time again?

There's always an excuse, "I'm exhausted, it's too late, I've got a lot on my mind." It's not going to get easier, we're always going to be tired, there are never going to be enough hours in the day, and we're always going to be worried about something, if we can't manage to have regular sex now, we never will.

June 11, 2009

Not So Annual...

I had my "annual" with my regular gynecologist on Wednesday. I hadn't seen her since May of 2006! That's terrible. When you see a gynecologist on a painfully (yes, bad pun intended) regular basis, you forget there are other important reasons to see a gynecologist. Oops!

I warned her that I was in some pain that morning and to go easy on me. She used her smaller speculum, but you could have fooled me. It hurt like crazy. I think that thing should be lubricated before it gets inserted. She did all the standard STD tests, leaving out HPV. Apparently it's so common in women in my age group that they only see fit the check for the virus if the pap test comes back irregular. I knew HPV was common, but I had no idea it was THAT common.

Since my gynecologist also handles pregnancy and delivery, I decided to ask her a few medical questions. I'm a very serious planner and with my professional and academic goals, I really need to schedule in a pregnancy or two between degrees.

I asked if it was safe to continue to take Neurontin during pregnancy. She said she wasn't sure, but she thought so. She said that would be better than having to take narcotics for flares. I also learned that other medications that I take could still be taken during a pregnancy with minimal risk.

I am tremendously relieved. I thought I would have to be out of my mind and in constant pain for the entire pregnancy. After so many positive answers I decided to ask the most important question: would she permit a C-section given my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. She told me that was completely reasonable.

Now I feel like pregnancy is a real possibility... down the road... way, way, way down the road.