Zumba + Pudendal Neuralgia = Freaky Pain

The spring semester started last Monday.  My girlfriends are on what I assume is a New Year's Resolution health kick.  They decided to attend a Zumba class at our gym and I hesitantly agreed to join them. 

The Zumba class at school was freaky!  Our instructor was flipping her hair, gyrating, and shaking her bits and pieces like a pro.  

When I was in undergrad, I loved to get freaky dancing at the clubs.  Sometimes if I was dancing on a bar or platform, men would hand me nasty, alcohol-soaked dollar bills.  Some girls might have found that degrading, but I loved it.  Despite that, even I was a little scandalized by the moves in this class.  (God, when did I get so OLD! !

Even though I made a conscious effort to keep my moves low-impact my pudendal nerve started to flare.  I realized that it wasn't the impact at all that was causing the pain, it was the thrusting and jiggling.  I may be a small girl, but I've got A LOT of booty and I know how to shake it.  I can only assume that the constant smack of my excessive booty tissue slamming against my pelvis irritated my cranky, prude pudendal nerve. 

Only half way through the class I had to stop.  I was the only one who couldn't keep up.  I sat out one song, then decided to just do the upper body and arm parts of the workout. 

I really enjoyed the class.  It was liberating!  I miss dancing like that.  It never used to bother my nerve.  I'd really love to attend another class, but I don't think my pudendal neuralgia will allow it.   

Sorry It's Been A While

I just realized it's been nearly a month since my last post!  I'm sorry I haven't been more active.  My life continues to be crazy.  I'm two days into my final week at my job.  Scary.  Goodbye paychecks, hello debt! 

I spent last week at the beach with my husband's family.  It was a nice vacation.  The best part was the fact that I got to rest my pudendal nerve.  My flare is finally over.  I'm still being very careful.  I spent the six hour car ride to and from the beach lying across the backseat, just like the doctor ordered.  I felt stupid and high maintenance, but it was a necessary precaution.  Fortunately for me, my husband prefers to drive, so he wasn't put out by the arrangement.

I have so many loose ends to tie up at work, which is forcing me to sit at my desk instead of stand.  It only takes a few hours for the pain to build up, even sitting on the cushion.  I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but my pudendal neuralgia had other plans. 

I'm so busy right now, I don't even have time to freak out about going to school.  Wait and see how I'm doing this weekend...

All Quiet on the Vagina Front

My vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia have been under control the last couple weeks.  I've been able to get through an entire day at work without pain!  I think it's because I'm splitting my time between sitting on my cushion and standing. 

I still have pain when I do strenuous work or go to the gym.  Last weekend, my husband used his favorite wedding gift, a chain saw, on some branches that have been cluttering our yard for a year.  I carried the smaller logs and put them in a pile in the corner of the yard.  I also scavenged the yard for sticks, creating a separate pile for them.  The repetitive motion of bending and lifting caused my pudendal nerve to flare.  I had to stop that activity and I haven't gone back.   

When my body starts talking, I drop what I'm doing and listen.  It's just not worth it to push myself to do that extra five minutes on the elliptical or pick up that last log in the yard.  The price is just too high.  I've found a good routine that allows me to live a pretty normal life and avoid causing myself pain as much as possible.  There's always some pain with sex, but it's manageable.  With the compound back in my system, there is less burning pain after sex. 

I'm content with my holding pattern.  We'll see how long it lasts. 

Shovelling Upset My Kitty

Today I had to dig out my car and my driveway once again.  This is really getting old! 

Apparently snow shoveling puts pressure on the pudendal nerve.  I noticed as I lifted a shovel load of heavy snow there was a twinge of pain in the opening of my urethra.  I tried to shovel a few more times, but pain persisted.  I decided to quit and rest my nerve to avoid a flare. 

I hate feeling disabled but I'm happy to put the shovel down.  There are a few "benefits," if you will to vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.  For instance, my cousin in-law was in labor for the last 30 hours.  That's something I won't have to endure.  

Christmas CAME Early, Then I Got A Lump Of Coal

My husband and I spent the holiday with his family out of town. The day before we left, we got down to business, knowing it wasn't happening while we were under his parents' roof. I hadn't had an orgasm probably since the beginning of the honeymoon in mid-October. Let me clarify, I haven't had an orgasm with him since then.

There are a lot of factors that influenced my dry spell: for one thing I was depressed, so sex wasn't happening very often and also performances were less than stellar... But that day, I was at the helm. I didn't think it would happen, but it snuck up on me and boy did it feel good! A clitoral orgasm cannot compare to a vaginal orgasm in my book.

That leg-shaking, toe-curling experience drastically reduced my stress level while we were away.

However, just like the last time we knocked boots, I had a great deal of pain at the opening of my pink orchid that continued long after the sex was over and the lidocaine had been applied. Obviously, my vulvodynia is back with a vengeance.

To repair the damage I began regularly applying the estrogen/testosterone compound, and quickly found out why I had stopped it in the first place (I should really read my own blog!). It irritates the skin in the surrounding area, especially my clit.

The compound is Vaseline-based, so it's hard to wash off. The longer it lingers, the more my skin flares. I'm hoping my doctor can prescribe something that is water-based.

The pain from the sex trauma and the compound trauma has dissipated, but don't worry I fixed that by going to the gym and spending too much time on the elliptical machine. I caused a pudendal nerve flare that is concentrated on the opening of my urethra (sorry I don't have a fun way to describe that).

How the Hell am I supposed to lose the wedding weight, the honeymoon weight and the holiday weight? This blows.

Also, all the cheating I've done at work crouching on a desk chair when I should be standing has messed up my tail bone. Now it hurts to sit for a whole new reason! But to make it even better, it also hurts to bend over and lie flat on my back! Awesome!

This is what cheating gets you ladies: a whole new set of problems.

Please forgive me for the paragraphs of bitching. I just had to get it all out. Despite all this crap, I'm managing pretty well. I'm actually amused by how messed up things are right now. Perhaps that humor came through.

Neurontin, Same Drug, Different Pill

My doctor wrote my prescription for Neurontin differently this time around. I usually take three 300 mg capsules three times a day, but my doctor wrote the new script for 1.5 600 mg tablets three times a day. I objected to the change, but my doctor insisted that he preferred to prescribe it that way for patients with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.

I've been taking the medication this way for a month and a half and I've seen a reduction in my daily pain. At first, I thought I was still in a honeymoon period with my pudendal nerve. Three weeks of vacation left me with very little pain. I thought maybe I the pain would build up as I returned to work, but it hasn't.

I can't say definitively that the change in pills has made a difference, but I can't think of another reason for the improvement. It's a nice reprieve.

Back at Work & Back in Pants

I love the fall. It's my favorite time of year. The cool air and the gray skies make me really happy. It reminds me of when I truly fell in love with my husband. The only problem with the fall is that I have to start wearing pants. Ugh. Any woman with vulvodynia and/or pudendal neuralgia understands the pain of pants.

I've survived my first week back at work and I've had to wear pants and undies every day. Well, actually I couldn't take it today, so I'm going comando. I really can only wear panties for so long in a day before my clit starts complaining.

I'm back to the same old routine: my day begins with pain at a zero with the burning steadily increasing over the course of the work day. Resting at home after work brings the pain level down, but often not back to zero.

If I go to the gym, my pain level continues to increase. I call it waking the kitty. I'll be on the elliptical machine doing cardio when suddenly my kitty wakes up and starts howling. At that point I get off the machine and go sit on the toilet to rest my pudendal nerve. There's no science or medicine behind that, I just feel like maybe it might help. If nothing else I get to air it out after perspiring. Totally gross, I know...

Once I get home, I continue to rest and tender my pudendal nerve until bedtime. The next day, I wake up and repeat the cycle.

My life is like the movie Groundhog Day except with beavers.

Not the Best Idea... But So Worth It

I've been feeling a little blue lately. I'm feeling quite stuck. I'm stuck at my job. I'm VERY thankful to have my job, but I really want to move forward with my new career. I'm stuck with the 3 year evening and weekend nursing program because we can't afford for me to go to school full time. And I'm stuck in a house that's entirely too small for the two of us.

Everything in our lives is either on hold or moving at a glacial pace. Sometimes it gets really discouraging.

My partner gave consoled me and made me feel a lot better. He also suggested a shoulder massage in the bathtub... We lit some candles and ran a bath. This was the first time we were going to break in our newly renovated bathroom. Wow it was HOT in there and I am not taking about the water temperature.

One thing lead to another and we decided to do some aqua aerobics, if you know what I mean... I always have to use a lot of KY to protect myself from trauma. I knew most of it would wash away in the tub, but I was willing to take that chance.

There was some pain and some friction, but it was incredible. That was two days ago and I'm still hurting. All the pain is again concentrated in my urethra again. UGH.

Right now, I'm saying it was worth it. If I still feel like this next week, I may feel differently about my aquatic adventure. Hopefully I can rest enough over the holiday weekend to allow my pudendal nerve to recover...

This Flare Has Passed

I took a few days off to go to the beach, and it did wonders for my nerve flare. I got to relax and keep my body in positions that didn't agitate my pudendal neuralgia. I am feeling so much better.

I even managed to spend a few hours a day in a bathing suite without irritating my clit! I think the secret was wearing a bathing suite with a little skirt attached. I was able to keep the crotch fabric away from my goods without anyone noticing my droopy drawers.

When I got back from the beach I resolved to continue to take better care of myself. I stopped where my wedge sandles to work. I'm wearing my flat Danskos. They may not look the best with a skirt, but frankly my deli meat is more important.

I'm standing more at the office and not cheating my crouching on a desk chair. It kills my knees and eventually my nerve starts to flare. Even standing for too long gets it going, but there's no question, standing is better than sitting.

I've avoiding using my compound lately because I didn't want to put anything nerve my inflamed urethra. The crazy thing is I've been able to have virtually pain-free sex without using the compound! Maybe the compound was doing more harm than good.

I'm going to avoid it for as long as I can. We'll see what happens.

I've Been Cheating...

I think the only way to manage vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia is to avoid the activities that cause pain. The most obvious for me is sitting, but guess what I've been doing? Sitting. Well not exactly sitting. I hunch down on my kneeling chair with most of the weight on the end of my spine and shins instead of my knees. Basicially, I'm sitting... To make matters worse, I've been knitting a scarf for my fiance and you have to sit to knit.

You'll never guess what came of all this sitting... Another flare. I could smack myself. I know better, but I thought by perching on the kneeling chair and lounging on the couch I was cheating the system and I wasn't really sitting.

Apparently, I was wrong. My pudendal nerve has made it abundantly clear that I was in fact sitting.

I've gong back to lying on the couch and standing in the office. I'm coming out of the flare, thank goodness. And I know for next time that I can't trick my body into thinking that I'm not sitting. If there's pressure, there's pain and if there's pain, a flare is just around the corner.

Happy Holiday Find

I did some traveling over the holiday season and, like so many, I got stuck in the airport for a few extra hours before departure. During that time I wandered around the airport shops with my future sister in law. In Brookstone she discovered a cushion designed to take pressure off your tailbone and she asked me if I could use it. I got really excited.

The cushion I bought from the Interstitial Cystitis website has been worn down by constant use. I keep it in the car and use it every day. It's served me well but I wanted something with more support.

This Brookstone cushion looked perfect! Only problem was it was $40. I felt quite conflicted. It seemed perfect, but that was an awful lot of money to spend on myself during the holiday season. My wonderful sister in law said she would split the price with me and call it my gift. I hemmed and hawed a bit, but she convinced me to buy it.


After some modifications with a kitchen knife, it fits my body just right. My doctor has advised using a kneeling pad and cutting an opening that would aliviate any pressure on the nerve while sitting. The kneeling pads at Homedepot are thin and uncomfortable. This cushion is fabulous. I feel no pressure on my pudendal nerve when I sit.

I don't plan on doing any marathon sitting, but it's good to know that I have the support I need when I do have to sit for extended periods of time in the car or elsewhere.

When I first visited my doctor about the last flare he said that it could have been attributed to the two and a half hours I spent between Baltimore and Philadelphia. I told him that I don't sit on my firezone and instead I cock my legs to one side and put all the pressure on my hip. He told me in that position I was hyper-extending the nerve, which could also cause a flare.

Man, sometimes it's impossible to keep my doctor and my coochie happy! He told me the best way to sit was with two feet on the floor. And of course, on a cushion.

Over the years, I've learned that it is in my best interest to heed his advice. I've been ignoring it for long enough and obviously my way isn't working.

Honestly, I'm so happy with this cushion, I might buy another one for my fiance's car and maybe my office.

BTW- Yes, that is a stick of deodorant on my dining room table...

I Guess My Lady Bits Felt Left Out

Although my man popped the question almost a week ago, we have yet to consummate our engagement. Why? Well, the first three nights we were absolutely exhausted, plus we were staying at his parents house.

All of Monday I had all this burning pain. It felt like the skin in that area was stretched to the breaking point. I had no idea what was going on down there.

When I got home from class that night, I had a private moment with my mirror and discovered a swollen screaming red rash all over muzzle. I was horrified. I had no idea what would have caused it.

I went to sleep with the hydrocortezone and the next morning it had cleared up. But as Tuesday wore on I started to feel the familiar rawness of a yeast infection. I was really not happy about that.

My best guess is that my clam did not enjoy a night of sweating in panties and jeans at the concert. I think it might be something like adult diaper rash, minus the adult diaper. How disgusting am I?

I took a Diflucan that night. Wednesday morning things seemed to be better, but I noticed that my hot button was irritated. When I took a shower that night my clit really started to hurt. It felt like someone had sanded it, even the slightest contact was jarring.

I am officially in a flare. Everything down there burns. I don't know what's wrong. I changed shampoo and I know sometimes that can set things off. Perhaps it's just a nerve flare from the trauma of the last few days. I have no idea.

I had to take pain medication today to manage it. That's my last resort and I never take it during the day, but I'm miserable. My clit is still raw and my baby shute is on fire.

I hope this gets better soon. It's especially distressing because I don't know what's wrong. Over the years I've become pretty in tune with my pain. I can usually pin-point what started the pain, but not this time. I think it's almost entirely vulvodynia related. Something irritated my skin and I'm paying for it. I'm sure my pudendal nerve has flared from the pain signalling.

I'm seeing my doctor first thing in the morning. I hope he can help me.

Things I Took For Granted Before Vulvodynia and Pudendal Neuralgia

-Sitting
-Walking
-Driving a Car
-Working at a Desk
-Seeing a Movie in the Theatre
-Wearing Pants, Especially Jeans
-Wearing Panties
-Going to the Bathroom

This is just a short list of mundane things that people do without thinking.

Living with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, I have to take my vag into account when I do just about everything.

It's important to note that sex is not on this list because I never got to enjoy sex without pain. It was terribly painful from the first time, but now I'm thankful for every chance I have to enjoy sex with less pain.

Vulvodynia Pain Management: Putting Off the Pudendal Nerve Surgery

I've been grappling with whether or not to go through with my surgery for the last month.  I was scheduled to go under the knife in August, so I had to decide quickly.  

I had been in a terrible flare for nearly 2 months, and surgery seemed like my only hope.  But the flare finally subsided 2 weeks ago.  Since then, I've lost that sense of urgency.  I began really thinking about what surgery would entail and the possible outcomes:  

-I could get better after the surgery

-I could stay the same

-I could get worse

The question was: am I ready to put myself through such and ordeal for those results?  Worse than that, there's nothing after surgery.  It's truly the last resort.  I'm not ready to explore my last resort.  As bad as things can be, I'm terrified that they could become worse.  You can't undo surgery. 

Right now, I have a lot of options.  I can increase medication, change medication, increase compound use, change compounds, and most importantly, I can change my routine to truly accommodate my physical needs.  

I've fought long and hard to have the kneeling chair and the height adjustable work station, but I don't always use them.  Some days I'm tired and I just want to slouch in a normal chair and limp my way through a work day.  By the time I leave work, the consequences of that decision are evident and often the flare I've created lasts for days.  

Obviously, I'm not doing enough personally to avoid pain.  I need to do more.  I'm now treating my lady parts like fine china.  No more sitting in normal chairs at work.  I stand most of the day and when I get tired or I really have to concentrate on computer work, I'll use the kneeling chair.  I've been able to avoid a long-lasting.  I'm still in pain for portions of the day, but, thank God, it's passing.  

At home, I recline as often as possible.  I'm very conscious of how I arrange myself on any piece of furniture.  I also have to be careful sitting down and getting up.  

The other night I was in a hurry to get in the car and my butt hit that seat too hard at just the right angle.  Pain started immediately and there was nothing I could do to reduce it.  On the ride home, I was worried I had started something terrible.  But I reclined for the rest of the night and by the next morning my pain level was back to zero.  

I'm learning to really listen to my body.  As soon as I start to feel uncomfortable, I know that something has to change.  I've been relying on my doctor and medication to make me better, but I haven't done enough personally to make myself better.  

When I come to the point where I can no longer avoid the pain, I will know that it is time for surgery.  But while it is in my hands, I'm going to do everything in my power to manage my own pain.