April 30, 2010

All Quiet on the Vagina Front

My vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia have been under control the last couple weeks.  I've been able to get through an entire day at work without pain!  I think it's because I'm splitting my time between sitting on my cushion and standing. 

I still have pain when I do strenuous work or go to the gym.  Last weekend, my husband used his favorite wedding gift, a chain saw, on some branches that have been cluttering our yard for a year.  I carried the smaller logs and put them in a pile in the corner of the yard.  I also scavenged the yard for sticks, creating a separate pile for them.  The repetitive motion of bending and lifting caused my pudendal nerve to flare.  I had to stop that activity and I haven't gone back.   

When my body starts talking, I drop what I'm doing and listen.  It's just not worth it to push myself to do that extra five minutes on the elliptical or pick up that last log in the yard.  The price is just too high.  I've found a good routine that allows me to live a pretty normal life and avoid causing myself pain as much as possible.  There's always some pain with sex, but it's manageable.  With the compound back in my system, there is less burning pain after sex. 

I'm content with my holding pattern.  We'll see how long it lasts. 

April 20, 2010


Well the idea of living with my parents while we try to sell our house and while I'm in school seemed like a good idea when they were on vacation, but they've been back for a week now and I have one major problem: SEX!

We can't have sex!  Our bedrooms share a wall and I have a feeling my husband isn't cool enough to creep down to the living room late at night for a little fun.  He's a prude.  To make matters worse, they're retired, so at least one of them is home all the time. 

Honestly, it's only a minor complaint.  We can always have rendezvouses at our house.  We'll see. 

April 16, 2010

Group Therapy Update: Seeing Some Improvement

I haven't mentioned Group in a while and that's simply because I have no complaints.  I'm really enjoying it (if that's the right word) and finding it surprisingly helpful.  There's one woman who is very similar to me, almost to the point of being eerie.  Seeing some of my behaviors in another person makes me want to vigorously work on myself.  I'm finally seeing the qualities in myself that others have described for so many years.

Since I was six years old, I've been described as very serious, very rigid, intense.  I just didn't see it.  I don't think of myself as serious or intense, but watching her, I can easily see how others could perceive me that way.  I'm trying to be more fun and confident in myself.  I'm pushing myself out of my limited comfort zone. 

Last weekend, I reconnected with some old friends.  I hadn't seen them in years, and in one case, the friendship had ended poorly.  I didn't want to go.  I almost backed out of several occasions.  Why?  I don't really have a good answer.  I felt terribly shy and self-conscious.  I was afraid it would be awkward between me and my estranged friend.

I wanted to bring my husband as a crutch.  We was invited.  If he went, I wouldn't be afraid to go. 

I realized that this was something I needed to do on my own.  They were my friends from a time long before my husband and I wanted to challenge myself, overcome a very silly fear.

I went alone and I had the BEST time!  I really let my hair down.  I cleared the air between my estranged friend and I and I'm really hoping to see a lot more of him in the future.  I had a few drinks and stayed out until 3:30 am!  It was great!  I got to be myself and really laugh. 

I work so hard at my job, at school, on my house that I completely forget to have fun every now and then.  I carried my hangover with pride the next day as I repainted my basement floor.  Life is good.   

April 14, 2010

Visiting a Nursing School

I found out last Thursday I've been accepted to both schools to which I applied!  I now have a difficult choice to make.  I'm so excited to have a choice. 

I'm visiting one school today to take a tour of their facilities and get more details about their program.  This particular school offers a Master's of Science in Nursing for second degree applicants who satisfy the prerequisites.  The focus is a little different than a basic BS in Nursing and I want to know how it compares. 

I need to make an informed decision.  In the BS program at the other school, I would be a big fish in a small pond.  I think I could do very well.  In the MS program I would be plankton floating in a vast ocean. 

More importantly, the BS programs offers a great deal of prep for the NCLEX exam.  You can't be a nurse without successfully passing this exam.  I want to know how much the other school focuses on this exam.

Although these factors are influential, unfortunately, the most important factor is money.  I am still waiting to receive my financial aid packages from both schools.  Regardless of which school is best, I have to choose the school that offers me the best deal.  I still have another degree to go before I can become a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner.  I can't rack up all my debt with this one degree and I don't want to be forced to take out private loans.  

My life is is still very much in limbo.  It will be a few more weeks before I receive my financial aid; until then I won't know where I'm going.   

April 12, 2010

Home From Hawaii

I'm back at home and back to work.  I had an incredible time, although I missed my husband quite a bit. 

I brought my cushion on the plane with me and survived 14 hours of travel each way without pain.  That thing is a lifesaver!  I only had one day of pain, following a five mile hike to a waterfall.  Had I know the hike was so long, I doubt I would have done it. 

But three years ago when I was in Hawaii, I attempted the same hike and failed.  I was on Lyrica and Ambien at the time.  I had trouble functioning and I was putting on weight.  I got overheated and had to stop. 

This year I made it without even getting tired.  It was a great accomplishment and worth the pain that followed.