Vacation without the O

Since I started nursing school, it's been very difficult for me to keep track of the days.  Now I can't keep track of the season.  It does not feel like summer to me.  I saw a back to school commercial and it confused me.  I thought for a moment that I was in the middle of the school year already.  No such luck. 

I survived eight weeks of hell, taking OB and Peds with shreds of my sanity.  This semester is supposed to be easier, but I'm doubtful knowing that I'm taking four classes, have two days of clinical, and I'm trying to work one 12 hour shift a week at the hospital.  

The stress of school has had a detrimental impact on my sex drive.  I'm so busy and so tired when my husband gets home that sex is the furthest thing from my mind.  The handful of times we did have sex during this crazy semester something was missing... 

That same thing was also missing when I spent some quality time with myself...

No O!

I thought once the semester ended, my orgasm would come back, but it didn't.  I feel frustrated and dysfunctional.  (More so than usual)  I started looking at other potential contributing factors to my lack of orgasm. 

The long days at the hospital were exacerbating my pudendal neuralgia so I started taking 1200 mg Q3 instead of 900 mg of Neurontin.  It seemed to help, but was the higher dose quieting the orgasm nerve signals as well as the pain signals?

I don't know, but I've decided to scale back down to 900 mg and see what happens.  I was even more motivated to scale back when I remembered that I was taking the highest dose possible.  If my pain were to get worse, I would have no choice but to try other drugs.  I'd rather have the comfort of knowing I can always go higher.   

Neurontin, Same Drug, Different Pill

My doctor wrote my prescription for Neurontin differently this time around. I usually take three 300 mg capsules three times a day, but my doctor wrote the new script for 1.5 600 mg tablets three times a day. I objected to the change, but my doctor insisted that he preferred to prescribe it that way for patients with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.

I've been taking the medication this way for a month and a half and I've seen a reduction in my daily pain. At first, I thought I was still in a honeymoon period with my pudendal nerve. Three weeks of vacation left me with very little pain. I thought maybe I the pain would build up as I returned to work, but it hasn't.

I can't say definitively that the change in pills has made a difference, but I can't think of another reason for the improvement. It's a nice reprieve.

If I Ever Thought Neurontin Didn't Work...

I was wrong. I've had a very manageable pain level for the last week. I've been very careful at work and at the gym and it's paying off.

Yesterday was Administrative Appreciation Day. My bosses took me and the other admin staff to lunch. It was a long meal. By the time we got back I only had an hour to catch up on work before I had to head out to the salon.

In my haste, I completely forgot to take my mid-day dose of Neurontin. It occurred to me as I was walking to my car, but I didn't think it mattered. Trust me, it did.

My Brazilian bikini wax was so painful this time, I almost had to tell her to stop. Every place she spread the wax hurt and when she pulled the fabric strips off my skin, I thought I was going to go shooting off the table. I tried to use mind over matter and force myself to relax, but nothing could block out that pain. As she rubbed a strip over my right lip and the outer edge of my clit, I thought I was going to scream.

The pain and the anxiety of anticipating more pain made my head hurt. It took so much strength to keep my composure that by the time it was over I felt completely exhausted.

I'm still in pain today. The area feel extremely raw. Waxing is not for everyone, especially women with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, but for me it's normally worth the pain. I know for next time to be sure I've taken my Neurontin well in advanced.

Frankly, it's good to know Neurontin is actually worth taking. I'm on quite a few meds and I'd like to start going off of them sooner rather than later. I know in a few years I'll have to stop all my prescriptions in order to have a safe pregnancy. Neurontin, I'll save for last.

The Incredible Shrinking...ME

I took a tip from The Body Chronic and made the switch from Lyrica to Neurontin.  What a difference! ! !  

I started gradually putting on weight last January, but I just attributed it to being happy and in love.  I was finally enjoying life for the first time and one of the great pleasures in life is food.  I've always been on the smaller side and my weight has been the same for years.  

It didn't take long for me to start feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious.  My clothes stopped fitting.  But I told myself I was just filling out.  I focused on my much larger boobs.  They were fun.  I got to feel curvy and almost busty.  I bought sexy new bras and felt like a bombshell.  

The problem was, I kept getting bigger.  

In November, I started going to the gym roughly three times a week with my boyfriend.  I started curbing my dessert habit, but I saw no change.  

In December, my family went on vacation to celebrate my father's 70th birthday.  I had to wear bathing suites and tank tops.  No matter what I wore, I couldn't get comfortable.  There was one night I had to wear one of my boyfriend's T-shirts just to hide my body.  

Then I saw the pictures from the trip.  I was completely unrecognizable.  I had never been that big.  I was truly overweight.  

I had never had trouble losing weight before and I couldn't understand why it had become impossible.  Then I read one of posts on The Body Chronic about her troubles with Lyrica and weigh-gain.  She recommended Neurontin as an alternative.  

Suddenly, it all started to click.  Maybe Lyrica was my problem.  My doctor wasn't a big fan of Neurontin, but he said he would let me give it a try.

I made the switch two months ago and the results are dramatic.  I've really slimmed down.  I haven't lost that much weight, but I'm much smaller.  

I can't attribute it all to Neurontin.  I've been working hard at the gym for 4 months now.  The muscle definition is all me.  

I think Lyrica is a more effective pain management medication, but the side effects made it a bad match for me.  I really can't sit at my desk at all now.  I got lazy and sat for maybe two hours yesterday and  I'm flared now.  

I had to make a sacrifice fat or pain.  I chose pain because there are many ways I can avoid pain, but there was nothing I could do to avoid the fat. 

Yeast Infections and New Directions

Well being sick was therapeutic, but taking antibiotics wasn't.  I wound up with a yeast infection towards in the last few days I was on amoxicillin.  That naturally caused a flare, which put a damper on Valentine's Day activities.  

I saw my doctor for a refill appointment last week and told him that I wanted to start a support group in the area.  He told me that he would hand out brochures and fliers for me.  So far I haven't heard from anyone, but it's only been a few days.  I hope I can generate enough interest.  

I think blogging and forums are so helpful, I can only imagine a support group would be even better.  I'm learning so much from other women's stories online and I want to share it with others.  Living with vulvodynia can make you feel so isolated and ashamed.  Having a tangible network of other women who understand could make such a difference.      

I finally dragged my kneeling chair to work and it helps.  I still have pain, but it's considerably better than sitting in a conventional desk chair.  Being lazy on Tuesday, I accidently tested the difference.  I had a lot of work and I needed to be incredibly focused.  I thought being comfortable would help, so I sat in a large desk chair.  After 3 hours I was so flared; it was awful.  I was planning to go to the gym and run errands after work, but all I could do was go home and recline to try and quite my pudendal nerve.  

The following day, I only used the kneeling chair.  I didn't go home in nearly as much pain.  

God, I don't know what happened to me in the last few months.  I used to go days and days without pain.  Now I'm lucky if I get a few hours.  It sucks.  I can't think of a better way to explain it.  

But I'm soldiering on.  I'm putting a lot of my energy into my class and trying to remain proactive in my care.  I'm thinking about switching from Lyrica to Neurontin.  There are considerably fewer side effects on Neurontin and on Lyrica, I have to deal with virtually ALL the side effects.  

My memory is terrible because of Lyrica.  I'm in the most important relationship of my life and there is so much I just can't remember from the past year.  It's embarrassing.  I feel guilty, but I can't help it.  Before Lyrica, I had a remarkable memory.  I could recreate every moment to the smallest detail.  Now it's a blur.  I've been in this drug-induced fog since January 2007.  Don't get me wrong.  I need the drugs.  They help make life livable, but I think I can do better.  At least I hope I can.  

Weight gain has also been an issue.  I've probably gained 30 pounds in the last year.  I've always been on the slight side and 30 pounds is a lot.  The weight completely changed my figure.  While I liked having boobs for the first time in my life, I didn't like the rest of it at all.  

I've been going to the gym for 4 months and that's helped, but I'd like to lose a few more pounds.  Maybe changing drugs will make that a little easier.