I've been planning this post for a while. One of my girlfriends at school was sweet enough and brave enough to read my vulvodynia blog. She enjoy the smorgasbord of names for the pink canoe and suggested I make a list for one post of all the different names I have in my repertoire. I though V Day would be perfect, but I can't be silly right now.
It's stupid Valentine's Day, my husband made me a phenomenal meal, bought me flowers and a sparkly card, but I feel nothing. No desire. No connection. No intimacy. I don't know what's wrong with me or why it seems to be getting worse.
I got my first C in nursing school today and I just don't care. That's a bad sign. I may be coming unglued.
Showing posts with label vulvodynia blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vulvodynia blog. Show all posts
February 14, 2011
October 16, 2010
I Haven't Forgotten
Midterms have begun. I have three weeks of Hell in front of me. Nursing school is unbelievably demanding! I still haven't figured out the best way to stay on top of all the material. I'm putting all my energy into my most difficult class, but unfortunately they are all difficult. The class I've neglected the most just snuck up behind me and bit me in the ass. That midterm was ridiculous!
I've been managing my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia pretty well. On some days, I even bring my cushion to class. On the sex front, I've discovered that I really do have less pain with non-latex condoms! Who would have thought?!?! Perhaps they reduce the amount of friction. I do have to use more lube; and if we change positions, I have to reapply. It's easy. Instead of wiping my hand off before we get down to business, I just keep it coated, so the KY is there if I need it without having to interrupt the flow.
It's funny, I always thought condoms were the antithesis of intimacy, but they've brought an exciting new element to our activities... Let's just say we're both enjoying ourselves... And every time I go to the bathroom after sex, like a good little girl, I'm shocked by the lack of post-coital burning.
All that fun stuff aside, I know that my posts have grown more infrequent and for that I apologize. Nursing school has swallowed me whole. I'm going to try to be more active on this blog. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm working hard and I'm living a normal (if you call living in a two bedroom condo with your parents, your husband, two dogs and a cat, while your own house sits empty on the market normal) life. I have an active sexual relationship with my partner and my daily pain level is manageable.
It is possible to enjoy life with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.
Don't lose hope.
I've been managing my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia pretty well. On some days, I even bring my cushion to class. On the sex front, I've discovered that I really do have less pain with non-latex condoms! Who would have thought?!?! Perhaps they reduce the amount of friction. I do have to use more lube; and if we change positions, I have to reapply. It's easy. Instead of wiping my hand off before we get down to business, I just keep it coated, so the KY is there if I need it without having to interrupt the flow.
It's funny, I always thought condoms were the antithesis of intimacy, but they've brought an exciting new element to our activities... Let's just say we're both enjoying ourselves... And every time I go to the bathroom after sex, like a good little girl, I'm shocked by the lack of post-coital burning.
All that fun stuff aside, I know that my posts have grown more infrequent and for that I apologize. Nursing school has swallowed me whole. I'm going to try to be more active on this blog. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm working hard and I'm living a normal (if you call living in a two bedroom condo with your parents, your husband, two dogs and a cat, while your own house sits empty on the market normal) life. I have an active sexual relationship with my partner and my daily pain level is manageable.
It is possible to enjoy life with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.
Don't lose hope.
January 13, 2010
Success with the Compound and So Much More...
I decided that after nearly three years it was time for this blog to get a makeover. I found a template that's even girlier and vaginaier(?) I like it!
On to the compound... I've been using it for two weeks and I decided that I like the sample-sized compound better. The other one gets grainy as you rub it in, like rubbing sand into your squish. Why would anyone want to do that?
I know it can take a few months to see results, but I think my vulvodynia is improving. I'm having less pain during and after sex already. The best part is the trace amount of testosterone is making me horny. I love it! I feel like my old self again. I'm sure being on the right psych meds helps too.
On to the compound... I've been using it for two weeks and I decided that I like the sample-sized compound better. The other one gets grainy as you rub it in, like rubbing sand into your squish. Why would anyone want to do that?
I know it can take a few months to see results, but I think my vulvodynia is improving. I'm having less pain during and after sex already. The best part is the trace amount of testosterone is making me horny. I love it! I feel like my old self again. I'm sure being on the right psych meds helps too.
February 20, 2009
Starting a Database
For my blog, I would like to start a database of doctors across the country who treat vulvodynia, pudendal neuralgia, pelvic floor dysfunction, vulvar vestibulitis and interstitial cystitis.
If you have a doctor that you see, please send me his or her name, address and phone number. More importantly, please send me any comments you have about that doctor and rate your experience.
It took me 5 years to find the right doctor. With this list, maybe we can help save someone else from years of discomfort and deadends.
Please email your doctor's information to lifewithvulvodyniaATgmail.com or post comments to this entry.
Thank you very much for your contribution.
If you have a doctor that you see, please send me his or her name, address and phone number. More importantly, please send me any comments you have about that doctor and rate your experience.
It took me 5 years to find the right doctor. With this list, maybe we can help save someone else from years of discomfort and deadends.
Please email your doctor's information to lifewithvulvodyniaATgmail.com or post comments to this entry.
Thank you very much for your contribution.
November 13, 2008
Seasonal Depression or Something Else
I'm taking a break from vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia blogging in order to share something else personal.
I'm having some trouble with sleep and anxiety. The last few weeks I've had bouts of insomnia and an elevated level of day-to-day anxiety. I know daylight savings time really threw me off, especially since I was out of time that weekend. The darkness that begins to creep over the skyline at 4:00pm is really getting me down. But despite of the lowered mood and the shift in time, I can't fall asleep.
This produces one nasty cycle: I have trouble initially falling asleep, then I worry I won't be able to fall asleep, my anxiety level increases, and then I can't sleep. You would think there was a pill for that, well there is, actually, there are a few, and nothing is working for me. I take a low dose Ambien, but it hasn't been able to get me to sleep. I have drugs for anxiety, but they haven't been able to take the edge off to help me fall asleep.
It's a mess. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday to tweak my drugs, but until then I have feeling I'll be pretty tired.
On top of the anxiety produced by trying to go to sleep, I've been really anxious about school. I feel low and panicky when I think about having to go to class.
So this leads me to wonder, is this seasonal depression? I've always loved the fall, so that seems unlikely. Is it stress from the end of the semester? I'm in the home stretch, but the concepts in chemistry have become extremely complex. Could it simply be that the efficacy of my drugs have plateaued and I need to boost them? Maybe it's all of the above.
Whatever it is, it's taking a serious toll on me. I might go buy an over-the-counter sleep aid to get me through the rest of the week.
I'm having some trouble with sleep and anxiety. The last few weeks I've had bouts of insomnia and an elevated level of day-to-day anxiety. I know daylight savings time really threw me off, especially since I was out of time that weekend. The darkness that begins to creep over the skyline at 4:00pm is really getting me down. But despite of the lowered mood and the shift in time, I can't fall asleep.
This produces one nasty cycle: I have trouble initially falling asleep, then I worry I won't be able to fall asleep, my anxiety level increases, and then I can't sleep. You would think there was a pill for that, well there is, actually, there are a few, and nothing is working for me. I take a low dose Ambien, but it hasn't been able to get me to sleep. I have drugs for anxiety, but they haven't been able to take the edge off to help me fall asleep.
It's a mess. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday to tweak my drugs, but until then I have feeling I'll be pretty tired.
On top of the anxiety produced by trying to go to sleep, I've been really anxious about school. I feel low and panicky when I think about having to go to class.
So this leads me to wonder, is this seasonal depression? I've always loved the fall, so that seems unlikely. Is it stress from the end of the semester? I'm in the home stretch, but the concepts in chemistry have become extremely complex. Could it simply be that the efficacy of my drugs have plateaued and I need to boost them? Maybe it's all of the above.
Whatever it is, it's taking a serious toll on me. I might go buy an over-the-counter sleep aid to get me through the rest of the week.
November 7, 2008
Traveling with PN & Vulvodynia
I'm sorry I haven't posted to the blog in a while. My life has been pretty hectic. I had a major exam two weeks ago and last weekend I visited Boston.
It was my first time in Bean Town and I absolutely loved it, but the travel was hard on my moose knuckle.
First of all we flew Air Tran and the seat was so hard, it felt like I was sitting on a wooden chair. I balled up my winter coat and sat on it, but that didn't make much of a difference. I contorted myself into a position where I wasn't putting pressure on anything sensitive and fell asleep.
From the airport we took a bus and then a train to a friends house. The public transportation in Boston is fabulous. It's convenient to get anywhere without ever getting into a car.
That would be great for anyone, unless you can't sit on hard surfaces. In hindsight, I should have brought my cushion. Although it never even occurred to me. Honestly, I think I would have been too embarrassed to lug it around.
I was there with my boyfriend and some of his closest and oldest friends. I didn't want them to think, "oh look, there's Nick's clippled girlfriend. What's wrong with her? Why is she carrying a cushion?"
Sometimes you want to keep your private business private. I don't like raising the eyebrows of his friends and family. I don't want to give them any reason to think that he shouldn't be with me. I hate being judged and condemned for something I can't help, especially because its something that doesn't impair my ability to be a strong and loving partner.
Don't get me wrong, it's human nature to judge and be concerned for the well-being of someone you love. But in my case, it's so difficult to explain. People may be curious, but as soon as you start using terms like "chronic pain" and "vagina," they want to run.
I'm still flared from my trip, but I'm managing. I had such a wonderful time. It was definitely worth the discomfort. But in December I'm flying Air Tran again and I'll definitely be bringing my cushion.
It was my first time in Bean Town and I absolutely loved it, but the travel was hard on my moose knuckle.
First of all we flew Air Tran and the seat was so hard, it felt like I was sitting on a wooden chair. I balled up my winter coat and sat on it, but that didn't make much of a difference. I contorted myself into a position where I wasn't putting pressure on anything sensitive and fell asleep.
From the airport we took a bus and then a train to a friends house. The public transportation in Boston is fabulous. It's convenient to get anywhere without ever getting into a car.
That would be great for anyone, unless you can't sit on hard surfaces. In hindsight, I should have brought my cushion. Although it never even occurred to me. Honestly, I think I would have been too embarrassed to lug it around.
I was there with my boyfriend and some of his closest and oldest friends. I didn't want them to think, "oh look, there's Nick's clippled girlfriend. What's wrong with her? Why is she carrying a cushion?"
Sometimes you want to keep your private business private. I don't like raising the eyebrows of his friends and family. I don't want to give them any reason to think that he shouldn't be with me. I hate being judged and condemned for something I can't help, especially because its something that doesn't impair my ability to be a strong and loving partner.
Don't get me wrong, it's human nature to judge and be concerned for the well-being of someone you love. But in my case, it's so difficult to explain. People may be curious, but as soon as you start using terms like "chronic pain" and "vagina," they want to run.
I'm still flared from my trip, but I'm managing. I had such a wonderful time. It was definitely worth the discomfort. But in December I'm flying Air Tran again and I'll definitely be bringing my cushion.
October 6, 2008
I'm Officially Coming Out of the Blogger Closet...
Hi, my name is Quinn and I have vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. (Sounds like an AA meeting)
As I've become more active in the online vulvodynia community, I've felt compelled to use my name and not an alias. This is who I am, this is what I live with and I shouldn't be ashamed.
I made the decision to use an alias because I thought my family would be embarassed if they knew I was sharing the woes of my cha cha with the entire world. Over the last year, I've become more open with my family. They all know what's going on down there and a number of family member have read my blog.
I think reading my blog has helped them understand me and what I've been through. The first 4 years were rough both physically and emotionally, but I couldn't talk to anyone about it because I was so ashamed. I didn't think anyone could understand. I thought I was completely alone.
I have a completely different life now. I'm well both physically and emotionally for the first time. The last real demon clouding my mind, annorexia, is in a state heibernation. I'm fortunate to have the love and support of my family.
My mom frequently asks me, "how's your part?" She hates the word vulvodynia because it sounds like vulva, but she like the name pudendal neuralgia, although, she can never remember it. Baby steps, right?
As I've become more active in the online vulvodynia community, I've felt compelled to use my name and not an alias. This is who I am, this is what I live with and I shouldn't be ashamed.
I made the decision to use an alias because I thought my family would be embarassed if they knew I was sharing the woes of my cha cha with the entire world. Over the last year, I've become more open with my family. They all know what's going on down there and a number of family member have read my blog.
I think reading my blog has helped them understand me and what I've been through. The first 4 years were rough both physically and emotionally, but I couldn't talk to anyone about it because I was so ashamed. I didn't think anyone could understand. I thought I was completely alone.
I have a completely different life now. I'm well both physically and emotionally for the first time. The last real demon clouding my mind, annorexia, is in a state heibernation. I'm fortunate to have the love and support of my family.
My mom frequently asks me, "how's your part?" She hates the word vulvodynia because it sounds like vulva, but she like the name pudendal neuralgia, although, she can never remember it. Baby steps, right?
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