What About the Bumps?

The Lyrica seemed to be doing its part, but the opening of my lady part continued to cause me a great deal of discomfort after sex. It just burned. I always used the numbing jelly afterwards, but that just didn’t seem to be enough any more. I decided to take things into my own hand and see if I could identify anything down there that could be causing me pain.

I shut myself in the office and whipped out a hand mirror and my gooseneck desk lamp. I spread my legs and began my investigation. At the southern end of the opening, I found all these little bumps. I became very worried that I had some kind of STD.

I promptly made an appointment with my pain doctor. He took a thorough look at my skin down there and concluded that I the pumps were polyps. He said my skin was so thin he could see the capillaries through it. In other words, it was so thin, it was transparent. The polyps formed when the skin tried to heal from previous sexual trauma. He said they were completely benign, but he knew of a compound that could help make the skin thicker, healthier and more resilient.

I said sign me up! Then he said it contained a small amount of testosterone. “Am I going to grow a beard?” No, the amount was so low that it probably wouldn’t make me scruffy, but it might make me horny… Again, I said sign me up!

My doctor then said something I had dreamed about hearing from the first time I heard the word vulvodynia, “you may be a good candidate for surgery.”

The surgery is called a vestibulectomy. It involves the removal of all the skin around the opening of my glory hole. Then the skin from inside my lady luge is pulled out and sutured in place.

Sounds gruesome, right? Well to me it was the most wonderful thing I’d ever heard. Ripping out that horrible skin that had caused me so much pain and replacing with better stronger skin sounded like my panacea! I scheduled a surgery date that day.