I've been planning this post for a while. One of my girlfriends at school was sweet enough and brave enough to read my vulvodynia blog. She enjoy the smorgasbord of names for the pink canoe and suggested I make a list for one post of all the different names I have in my repertoire. I though V Day would be perfect, but I can't be silly right now.
It's stupid Valentine's Day, my husband made me a phenomenal meal, bought me flowers and a sparkly card, but I feel nothing. No desire. No connection. No intimacy. I don't know what's wrong with me or why it seems to be getting worse.
I got my first C in nursing school today and I just don't care. That's a bad sign. I may be coming unglued.
14 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. I've never cared much about Valentine's Day, but still when it comes around it just reminds me of my inability to feel any kind of romantic feelings. It just makes me feel worse.
Sorry about the troubles you're having. I am starting to realize that I have to stop trying to be the girl I used to be and that I now have sexual limitations.
I am trying to limit myself to sex twice weekly because otherwise I hurt too much and my after sex med starts to lose effectiveness. It's hard though. Sometimes I just want to be like everyone else but I'm just not. I try to be grateful for what I have (loving fiance, adorable daughter, etc.). I also am trying to not focus on pain and just do what I can to minimize it. I kept trying to find a drug to completely take the pain away but I haven't been successful. Some meds even made things worse!
OK, I'm venting now. Hope you're feeling a bit more upbeat.
Jay
It changes you. I have no insurance so I don't know what sort of treatments are out there besides taking light anti-depressants. I was very lucky to have found a doctor at the Planned Parenthood clinic that knew what was wrong with me. The vulvodynia started with me after my twin sons were born. I had a c-section that was more or less awful. It wasn't botched, but the healing took forever.
Like you, I've always been a VERY sexual person and now it's like I don't even know myself. It completely de-sexualizes you. My husband mentioning sex even casually makes me ANGRY and I can't help it. It has been three years for me and the mental symptoms are just getting worse. Anyone know any kind of treatment that actually works?
To previous commenter-
You could try anticonvulsants like gabapentin (neurontin). It worked for me but had a side effect I couldn't take. Took 2 months to work. Thinking of trying again but taking a lower dosage.
There also are topical treatments that work for some folks.
Sorry, I know how you feel-
Now I also am basically unable to have sex, my topical ended up hurting me-
I think it's important to have a great doctor and I don't have the right one yet
Jay
I would like to share a miracle cure for vulvodynia. I found that 0.025% Capsaicin cream really helped me. It does burn initially for 15 minutes after application, but if you can tolerate some pain, the pain does lessen over time. I noticed a HUGE improvement if not total improvement in 3 months of 2x daily application. I encourage anyone with vulvodynia to try it.
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I want to second the anonymous comment regarding capsaicin, in hopes that it may help someone. It has helped me immensely, to the point that I don't stress about this condition anymore. I had/have moderate vulvodynia, and it was making life completely miserable, but daily application of capsaicin cream (.025 %) has erased 90% of my symptoms. It's hard at first, but please, stick with it. Sit with an ice pack for 20 minutes if you need to. It gets less painful with each application you do. It's inexpensive and aside from the initial discomfort, has no side effects. Seriously, try it!
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