December 1, 2009

Group Therapy

I debated whether or not to share my group therapy experience, but since therapy is often a vital to a life with vulvodynia or pudendal neuralgia, I figured what the heck!

I've been stuck in a rough patch for a few weeks, worsening as time goes on. I saw my therapist two weeks ago and she told me that group therapy could really help me. She's suggested this before, but this time she was adamant. I need all the help I can get right now, so I agreed.

My therapist told me it was a handpicked group 8 of very smart, successful women.

I was terrified to go and I dragged my feet in the morning. I arrived 15 minutes late and the session was already in full swing. One woman was in complete crisis because she had just lost custody of her children. She was beside herself and no one could calm her down. She went on and on for the better part of an hour in tears. No one else felt like they could speak because she negated everything.

Finally, my therapist interjected and asked a woman who had been angrily rocking what was upsetting her. She said, "I had to put my cat to sleep yesterday and no offense to you Quinn, but it really pisses me off that you (the therapist) brought someone else into the group without asking our permission first!"

I was in shock. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I blinked them away. Intellectually, I know she wasn't mad at me, but emotionally it still hurt. I didn't want to be there and it was VERY clear that I wasn't wanted there.

I was forced to explain a little bit about myself to the group with a lot of prompting from my therapist. I said, "I feel like it's insulting to talk about my problems considering what they're going through."

When the session was over a few women asked if I was coming back. I didn't want to, but I promised my therapist I would try it for at least six weeks.

I collapsed when I got home. I felt completely violated by the entire experience. I had to expose my problems to a group of somewhat hostile strangers and I felt wrecked. To make matters worse, I was horrified that my therapist thought it was appropriate to group me with women who were in so mentally unstable. I'm not THAT crazy.

1 comment:

Lora said...

I'm so glad you didn't go home and think that you got the short end of the stick because your problems are WORSE than everyone else's. That's how you know you are in trouble.

My job consists of a lot of group observation, some of them are therapy sessions. I get treated like that a lot. A lot A lot.

I usually just apologize and share something personal that is a little embarassing but much needed. It helps me get a little niche in the group.

Good luck, lady. You are doing the right thing by giving it a try.

I've been thinking of you constantly since your last post. I hope the good thoughts are making their way south.

Err. As in to your hometown. Not your crotch.

But there too