April 11, 2008

The Other End of the Paper Sheet

After living with vulvodynia for 6 years, I decided that I wanted to become a nurse and help other women suffering from the same affliction. Well, at least that's what I thought I wanted to do...

I spent the day at a women's clinic shadowing a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner. She was incredible with her patients. She kept the atmosphere relaxed and casual. She made her patients feel as comfortable as possible given the circumstances.

I found myself feeling pretty uncomfortable, though. I saw my first cervix and several more. I watched the NP perform pap and STD tests. She told me to stand right behind her, so I saw everything.

I gotta tell ya, it was worse for me to be on that side of the paper sheet! I didn't think that could be possible, but trust me, it was!

In all seriousness, I realized that I have a lot of issues with the vagina. I have hated mine for many years. Having to look at so many other babymakers brought back all my shame and distain. I couldn't sleep that night because I couldn't get those images out of my head. I felt disgusting, like I had seen something I wasn't supposed to see.

Hopefully, the shock will wear off over time...

1 comment:

lora said...

well, you sure are helping me just by being here.