March 17, 2008
I Can't Even Stand the Word
I was watching a health documentary over the weekend on the nervous system. Naturally, the topic of pain was addressed. I couldn't handle hearing about how pain can be beneficial and how pain can be turned off in times of extreme trauma. My pain doesn't turn off. My pain isn't beneficial.
Every time I heard the word pain, I grew more and more agitated. I eventually had to change the channel. I realized then how much I hated the word pain. I resent that word for what it connotes in my own life.
In case you haven't noticed, I make a point to find funny words to substitute for vagina. That's another word I don't particularly like. The substitutions add some much needed levity to the topic of vulvodynia. Perhaps it's time for me to find some better words for pain. I went to thesaurus.com and couldn't find anything better.
Frankly, a lot of those words seem even worse than pain: agony, anguish, torment...
Ultimately, I realized what I really wanted was to have vulvodynia without pain. But no matter what word I use, silly or serious, at the end of the entry, I'm still in pain.