Vulvodynia VS The Wedding Dress

I've been cool as a cucumber through this year of wedding planning. I haven't been stressed about anything until Tuesday. That night I went for my last dress fitting. It was a balmy day and my seamstress didn't have the air conditioning on in her house. It felt a little stuffy, but not uncomfortable.

Once the dress was on, it was a different story. My dress is large. I have a huge crinoline and a ball grown skirt. There have to be at least 30 layers of fabric between my lady business and the outside world. I started to get hot in my dress and my flower began to wilt.

I hadn't thought about being hot in the dress. I started to feel very anxious. If I'm hot in that dress, I'm going to sweat. If I sweat too much, I could develop a yeast infection or a spike in lactobacillus or a smegma build up. All of which could lead to days and even weeks of pain.

One night of sweaty kitty could ruin my wedding night and even my entire honeymoon. Would you want to spend 8 hours walking in a foreign city if your crotch was on fire?

I started to feel hopeless and overwhelmed. Normal women don't have to worry about this nasty crap on their wedding day. It's not fair. I hate my vagina sometimes.

On the car ride home I curled up in a little ball. I felt powerless. My mom tried to comfort me. She told me to request that the AC be on at the reception location.

Since that night of panic, I've picked myself up and started strategizing. I made the request for AC and they were happy to oblige at the reception site. I'm going to pack a hand-held fan and baby powder in my bag along with a few pairs of cotton panties.

I don't really wear panties of any kind because the pressure irritates my clit. I purchased some hipster panties that have some extra clam room. I'm going to try wearing them a few times and see how my clit manages.

I don't want my stupid crippled vagina to ruin my big night. I'm afraid I'm going to have to periodically sneak away to air out my goods. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

Same Smegma, Different Day

Ugh! This is driving me crazy and it's so gross! It seems like every other day I have an accumulation of smegma in the folds of my clit. This causes pain, irritation and swelling. Smegma accumulation is a natural occurrence. In normal women, they don't even realize it's happening. It builds up and sloughs off, just like any other skin cells.

Unfortunately for me and other women with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, it can be extremely uncomfortable. Even worse is trying to get that smegma out of those folds. The stretching and pulling and rubbing only heighten the pain.

I went and saw my doctor about this matter a few weeks ago. I asked him what I could do about it. He said soak, use a squirt bottle or a hand-held shower head. I have a hand held shower head. When there's something really lodged in there, naturally my shower head fails.

I was hoping he would tell me something useful! Something I hadn't already tried. Even doctors don't have all the answers...

I am really looking forward to the season change. The summer heat has obviously exacerbated this rather indelicate problem to the Nth degree. Cooler weather means no steamed clam. I can't wait!

Dear Readers,

As you all know, I suffer from chronic pain. There are days when the pain is unmanageable and I have to resort to prescription pain medication to be comfortable. On those days I take Vicodin, an acetaminophen combination drug.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is considering advice from its Advisory Committee that would eliminate all prescription acetaminophen combination medications (like Vicodin, Percocet). These changes could negatively affect me and other people suffering from pain who rely on these medicines every day.

I signed the petition "Acetaminophen: Educate, Do Not Regulate". I'm asking you to sign this petition to help us reach our goal of 5,000 signatures. I care deeply about this cause, and I hope you will support our efforts.

Thank you for your support,
Quinn

Not the Best Idea... But So Worth It

I've been feeling a little blue lately. I'm feeling quite stuck. I'm stuck at my job. I'm VERY thankful to have my job, but I really want to move forward with my new career. I'm stuck with the 3 year evening and weekend nursing program because we can't afford for me to go to school full time. And I'm stuck in a house that's entirely too small for the two of us.

Everything in our lives is either on hold or moving at a glacial pace. Sometimes it gets really discouraging.

My partner gave consoled me and made me feel a lot better. He also suggested a shoulder massage in the bathtub... We lit some candles and ran a bath. This was the first time we were going to break in our newly renovated bathroom. Wow it was HOT in there and I am not taking about the water temperature.

One thing lead to another and we decided to do some aqua aerobics, if you know what I mean... I always have to use a lot of KY to protect myself from trauma. I knew most of it would wash away in the tub, but I was willing to take that chance.

There was some pain and some friction, but it was incredible. That was two days ago and I'm still hurting. All the pain is again concentrated in my urethra again. UGH.

Right now, I'm saying it was worth it. If I still feel like this next week, I may feel differently about my aquatic adventure. Hopefully I can rest enough over the holiday weekend to allow my pudendal nerve to recover...

This Flare Has Passed

I took a few days off to go to the beach, and it did wonders for my nerve flare. I got to relax and keep my body in positions that didn't agitate my pudendal neuralgia. I am feeling so much better.

I even managed to spend a few hours a day in a bathing suite without irritating my clit! I think the secret was wearing a bathing suite with a little skirt attached. I was able to keep the crotch fabric away from my goods without anyone noticing my droopy drawers.

When I got back from the beach I resolved to continue to take better care of myself. I stopped where my wedge sandles to work. I'm wearing my flat Danskos. They may not look the best with a skirt, but frankly my deli meat is more important.

I'm standing more at the office and not cheating my crouching on a desk chair. It kills my knees and eventually my nerve starts to flare. Even standing for too long gets it going, but there's no question, standing is better than sitting.

I've avoiding using my compound lately because I didn't want to put anything nerve my inflamed urethra. The crazy thing is I've been able to have virtually pain-free sex without using the compound! Maybe the compound was doing more harm than good.

I'm going to avoid it for as long as I can. We'll see what happens.

Purse Design Fail

I just had to share this!


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Happy F-ing Birthday

Monday was my birthday. I got to spend part of my "special day" at my doctor's office. My urethral pain has persisted on and off for more than three weeks. I've also had random bouts of swelling in my clit. I wanted to get checked out and find out what I needed to do to make it better.

My doctor had just gotten back from a vacation and I could tell he didn't want to be back. I was the last patient of the day and it seemed like everyone wanted to just get out of there.

When he called me into his office, I told him my symptoms. He then told me to go to the exam room and get undressed from the waist down. I know this routine by heart. He used the speculum to take a sample and then used his finger to feel the length of my urethra. I was in agony.

After taking a look at all my samples he met me back in his office. He told me that everything looked normal so it had to be a nerve flare. The problem is, there's no trauma I can attribute it to. Why is it happening now? My first thought was, "Oh God, it's getting worse." I started to fight back tears.

For once, my doctor really didn't have any answers. He didn't have a good idea of how to combat the problem. He told me the objective was to knock out the pain long enough to quiet the nerve.

He told me I could apply Lidocane to the opening of the urethra, if that didn't work, I could use a syringe and inject the Lidocane directly into the urethra. If the Lidocane fails he could give me a shot right in that area. All of these options sounded terrible. I couldn't imagine putting anything in there. I was in so much pain just from his exam that I couldn't sit.

I was troubled because it seemed that he really didn't know what to do with me. What's worse, he didn't have much patience. He was rather flip about the whole thing. He told me that if my condition were getting worse, most likely, the pain would be everywhere and not focused in one spot.

That was of no comfort to me. I cried to entire ride home. I felt so scared and discouraged. I can normally deal with the pain and still have a normal sex life, but this is so bad it's made me gun shy. I'm afraid to try on a good day.