I'm home from the honeymoon. The trip was incredible. I saw places in the world I never thought I would visit. It's all kind of a blur. Thank God I have pictures to prove I was really there.
Of course I had to bring my snatch along with me on the trip. I went to a lot of trouble to try and make sure my bits would be as comfortable as possible. I made a special cushion that could fit in a laptop bag. I even had the seamstress who altered my wedding dress make a special cover for the cushion...
Well, we arrived in Barcelona, took a cab to the hotel and I left the damn thing in the cab! I didn't realize my oversight until the next morning when we were packing up to get on the cruise. I can laugh at it now, but at the time I was really upset. I was very worried that the multiple two hour long bus trips in my future were going to cripple me.
The first night on the ship I was not in good form. I was in pain from having sat on an airplane for so long the day before and I was worried that I had developed a yeast infection from the wedding night.
I sunk into a very dark place. I felt trapped: trapped on a boat, trapped in my body, trapped in a bad place in my mind. I stayed up most of the night listening to depressing music and writing. What am I 13 again?!?!? I had very destructive urges, but I didn't act on them. I felt truly tested.
I realized that no matter how far away you go, you can never get away from yourself. I felt disillusioned.
The next day I came out of it and the boat finally left port. We were delayed because the ship had sustained damage on it's way back to Barcelona. The Mediterranean is not calm and smooth in October. We learned that the hard way.
October 29, 2009
October 5, 2009
The Mission of This Blog
I started this blog to share my story with other women, so they would know they weren't alone. I also wanted to let women know that there are treatments available and share what has worked for me. Most importantly, I wanted to show that it was possible to continue to LIVE with vulvodynia.
Let me take this time to clarify: vulvodynia does not have to be a life sentence, but I think that pudendal neuralgia is. Pudendal neuralgia is damage to the pudendal nerve. It is unlikely that damage will heal on it's own and even surgery offers no guarentees.
I don't think there's a magic cure for either afliction. I think it is something you have to work for every day to ensure that you are as comfortable as possible. It is in that vein that I share my experiences. There are oral and topical prescriptions that I take and physical accomodations that I make daily to avoid causing myself any pain. I have good days and bad. I try to share them all.
There are days when it does get to me and on those days I go to this blog to share my sadness and frustration. I do so with the hope that others will feel a sense of connection and understanding.
It is NEVER my intention to make others feel worse about their condition. If my words have caused any of you to feel dispair, I'm so sorry. I'm not a medical doctor, I'm not an expert. I am only one person sharing my pain and my experience on the internet.
I am successfully living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I've had to change my life to work around it, but I have an active sexlife and I even have days with no pain. I just take one day at at time and try not to focus on the big picture.
Let me take this time to clarify: vulvodynia does not have to be a life sentence, but I think that pudendal neuralgia is. Pudendal neuralgia is damage to the pudendal nerve. It is unlikely that damage will heal on it's own and even surgery offers no guarentees.
I don't think there's a magic cure for either afliction. I think it is something you have to work for every day to ensure that you are as comfortable as possible. It is in that vein that I share my experiences. There are oral and topical prescriptions that I take and physical accomodations that I make daily to avoid causing myself any pain. I have good days and bad. I try to share them all.
There are days when it does get to me and on those days I go to this blog to share my sadness and frustration. I do so with the hope that others will feel a sense of connection and understanding.
It is NEVER my intention to make others feel worse about their condition. If my words have caused any of you to feel dispair, I'm so sorry. I'm not a medical doctor, I'm not an expert. I am only one person sharing my pain and my experience on the internet.
I am successfully living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I've had to change my life to work around it, but I have an active sexlife and I even have days with no pain. I just take one day at at time and try not to focus on the big picture.
October 4, 2009
Still Sick...
I have had a fever for six days. I am weak and exhausted. I've had horrible headaches daily. I'm getting really tired of being sick.
I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow. There are things I need to do before I take three weeks off, but it's my job's policy that I not return until I've gone 24 hours without fever. I don't want to risk getting my coworkers sick.
I hadn't told my bosses my diagnosis, but at this point I think it's necessary. I sent them an email explaining that I most likely have H1N1 and asking if they would like me to report to work tomorrow. I'm still waiting for their reply.
My fiance and my family don't want me to drive. On Friday I decided to run an errand and knocked the driver-side mirror off my car before I made it out of the driveway. Probably a sign I shouldn't be behind the wheel...
This is just getting out of hand. I need my life back. I need to get better. There are only six days until the wedding.
I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow. There are things I need to do before I take three weeks off, but it's my job's policy that I not return until I've gone 24 hours without fever. I don't want to risk getting my coworkers sick.
I hadn't told my bosses my diagnosis, but at this point I think it's necessary. I sent them an email explaining that I most likely have H1N1 and asking if they would like me to report to work tomorrow. I'm still waiting for their reply.
My fiance and my family don't want me to drive. On Friday I decided to run an errand and knocked the driver-side mirror off my car before I made it out of the driveway. Probably a sign I shouldn't be behind the wheel...
This is just getting out of hand. I need my life back. I need to get better. There are only six days until the wedding.
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