I was wrong. I've had a very manageable pain level for the last week. I've been very careful at work and at the gym and it's paying off.
Yesterday was Administrative Appreciation Day. My bosses took me and the other admin staff to lunch. It was a long meal. By the time we got back I only had an hour to catch up on work before I had to head out to the salon.
In my haste, I completely forgot to take my mid-day dose of Neurontin. It occurred to me as I was walking to my car, but I didn't think it mattered. Trust me, it did.
My Brazilian bikini wax was so painful this time, I almost had to tell her to stop. Every place she spread the wax hurt and when she pulled the fabric strips off my skin, I thought I was going to go shooting off the table. I tried to use mind over matter and force myself to relax, but nothing could block out that pain. As she rubbed a strip over my right lip and the outer edge of my clit, I thought I was going to scream.
The pain and the anxiety of anticipating more pain made my head hurt. It took so much strength to keep my composure that by the time it was over I felt completely exhausted.
I'm still in pain today. The area feel extremely raw. Waxing is not for everyone, especially women with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, but for me it's normally worth the pain. I know for next time to be sure I've taken my Neurontin well in advanced.
Frankly, it's good to know Neurontin is actually worth taking. I'm on quite a few meds and I'd like to start going off of them sooner rather than later. I know in a few years I'll have to stop all my prescriptions in order to have a safe pregnancy. Neurontin, I'll save for last.
April 23, 2009
April 17, 2009
A Few Hard Lessons
I work in a rough area of a major city. To get to my job, I have to drive through an even rougher area. Yesterday, I went out and ran an errand during my lunch break. On my way back to the office, I saw a boy bend and pick something up in the gutter. He showed it to his friend. At that point I turned my attention back to the road.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of a rock hitting my window. I turned and saw the kids laughing. A little ways down the road I pulled over to call the police. I got out of the car to inspect the damage and see if the kids were approaching. They saw me and ran around the corner. I didn't know my exact location and as I walked to see the closest street sign a rock flew at me. The kids had run around the block and were now throwing rocks directly at me. I got back in the car and waited for the police to arrive as rocks continued to fly.
The kids who through rocks at me walked across the street staring me down to meet up with a friend. I wrote down a description of the boys clothes, pretending not to notice them. One boy in particular seemed to have it out for me. He circled my car like a shark. I pretended not to know who he was. He brazenly walked right by my car, looking in at me. I kept my gaze forward, still pretending to be unaware.
He and his friends disappeared momentarily before two more rocks flew at my car. One hit the center of my windshield with a loud crack. I jumped out of my car and yelled, "Stop it, asshole! I called the police!" I thought this would scare them away. I thought this would make them stop. I continued to wait for the police.
Now I was scared. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I tried to keep my composure. Then two more rocks hit my car. CRACK! CRACK! One hit my windshield and one hit my roof. I jumped and screamed when I heard the sound. I didn't know where the rocks had come from this time.
I began to completely fall apart. I called the police to tell them that I couldn't wait for them anymore because I feared for my safety. I wasn't thinking clearly. I got out of my car to retrieve one of the rocks for evidence. More rocks flew at me when I stepped into the street.
I ran back in my car, blinded by tears and drove away. There were so many people walking along that street. School had just gotten out and kids were walking home. Families were sitting on their front porches with their young children. No one stopped to help me. No one cared. They just stared at me as rocks bashed into my car and flew at me.
Two blocks away as I sat at a light, I saw the boy who circled my car like a shark. He was sitting on the steps of a church. He saw me and got up, coming at me, making threatening gestures. I was terrified. Before he could make it to my car, the light changed and I floored it.
I drove back to my parking garage shaking and crying. It was then that I realized that they had shattered part of my windshield. I could hear the sound of one of the rocks scraping around the roof of my car as I circled my garage searching for a parking space.
When I parked I took the rock with me to show the police. It was a large piece of concrete. I called my friend at work and told her what had happened. She came to be with me while I waited for the police to arrive.
I tried to get a hold of myself, but I couldn't. The first officer on the scene was curt and unkind. He took my information and told me I should have left the scene immediately. I didn't know I could leave. I had reported an incident to the police and I thought I had to remain in that location until the matter had been settled, like a car accident. I also thought that there would be consequences for the boy who throw the rocks and harassed me, but I was wrong.
Because the rocks never hit me, the incident was being filed as destruction of property. A description of the boy would be included in the report, but that would be the end of it. When I realized how the system worked, I began to feel so angry at myself. I felt like a fool. I waited there for the police for nothing. My car was badly damaged and there would be no consequences for the boy who terrorized me.
As I began to completely lose faith in the justice system in my city, the second cop on the scene asked me if I wanted to ride along while they looked for the boy. I said ok and my friend and I climbed into the back of his cruiser. I was terrified, but excited at the same time. I leaned over to my friend and asked, "Is this the craziest thing you've ever done?" "I think so," she said.
The cop put his lights on and went from 0 to 75 in seconds, tearing up a major road. He turned on his siren to get through intersections. We didn't have seatbelts in the back, so we had to hold on tight.
The novelty wore off and the fear sunk in as we got closer to the crime scene. My whole body started shaking. What if we did find him? What if he did get arrested? What would he do to me then? He knew my car and he knew my face. What kind of retribution would he seek for my tenacity? I ducked down in the car. I didn't want people to see me, but every person we passed on the street stared at us in the back of a speeding police car.
The kid and his friends were gone. The cop brought us back to the garage and dropped us off. I collected my police report and my friend and I went back to our office. The work day was nearly over.
I learned a few hard lessons that day. Never stop your car when someone throws something at you. You can file a police report later in a safe location. I also learned that there's really no punishment for that kind of crime. Those kids got away with destruction of property and attempted assault. They had no fear. It's frightening to think what they could be capable of. I strongly believe that karma will catch up with everyone person who threw rocks at me that day, unless they turn their lives around. They are all racing down a terrible path, one all to common on my city.
Ladies, please taking something away from my ordeal. Don't put your lives in jeopardy for something stupid like a car. Keep yourselves safe.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of a rock hitting my window. I turned and saw the kids laughing. A little ways down the road I pulled over to call the police. I got out of the car to inspect the damage and see if the kids were approaching. They saw me and ran around the corner. I didn't know my exact location and as I walked to see the closest street sign a rock flew at me. The kids had run around the block and were now throwing rocks directly at me. I got back in the car and waited for the police to arrive as rocks continued to fly.
The kids who through rocks at me walked across the street staring me down to meet up with a friend. I wrote down a description of the boys clothes, pretending not to notice them. One boy in particular seemed to have it out for me. He circled my car like a shark. I pretended not to know who he was. He brazenly walked right by my car, looking in at me. I kept my gaze forward, still pretending to be unaware.
He and his friends disappeared momentarily before two more rocks flew at my car. One hit the center of my windshield with a loud crack. I jumped out of my car and yelled, "Stop it, asshole! I called the police!" I thought this would scare them away. I thought this would make them stop. I continued to wait for the police.
Now I was scared. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I tried to keep my composure. Then two more rocks hit my car. CRACK! CRACK! One hit my windshield and one hit my roof. I jumped and screamed when I heard the sound. I didn't know where the rocks had come from this time.
I began to completely fall apart. I called the police to tell them that I couldn't wait for them anymore because I feared for my safety. I wasn't thinking clearly. I got out of my car to retrieve one of the rocks for evidence. More rocks flew at me when I stepped into the street.
I ran back in my car, blinded by tears and drove away. There were so many people walking along that street. School had just gotten out and kids were walking home. Families were sitting on their front porches with their young children. No one stopped to help me. No one cared. They just stared at me as rocks bashed into my car and flew at me.
Two blocks away as I sat at a light, I saw the boy who circled my car like a shark. He was sitting on the steps of a church. He saw me and got up, coming at me, making threatening gestures. I was terrified. Before he could make it to my car, the light changed and I floored it.
I drove back to my parking garage shaking and crying. It was then that I realized that they had shattered part of my windshield. I could hear the sound of one of the rocks scraping around the roof of my car as I circled my garage searching for a parking space.
When I parked I took the rock with me to show the police. It was a large piece of concrete. I called my friend at work and told her what had happened. She came to be with me while I waited for the police to arrive.
I tried to get a hold of myself, but I couldn't. The first officer on the scene was curt and unkind. He took my information and told me I should have left the scene immediately. I didn't know I could leave. I had reported an incident to the police and I thought I had to remain in that location until the matter had been settled, like a car accident. I also thought that there would be consequences for the boy who throw the rocks and harassed me, but I was wrong.
Because the rocks never hit me, the incident was being filed as destruction of property. A description of the boy would be included in the report, but that would be the end of it. When I realized how the system worked, I began to feel so angry at myself. I felt like a fool. I waited there for the police for nothing. My car was badly damaged and there would be no consequences for the boy who terrorized me.
As I began to completely lose faith in the justice system in my city, the second cop on the scene asked me if I wanted to ride along while they looked for the boy. I said ok and my friend and I climbed into the back of his cruiser. I was terrified, but excited at the same time. I leaned over to my friend and asked, "Is this the craziest thing you've ever done?" "I think so," she said.
The cop put his lights on and went from 0 to 75 in seconds, tearing up a major road. He turned on his siren to get through intersections. We didn't have seatbelts in the back, so we had to hold on tight.
The novelty wore off and the fear sunk in as we got closer to the crime scene. My whole body started shaking. What if we did find him? What if he did get arrested? What would he do to me then? He knew my car and he knew my face. What kind of retribution would he seek for my tenacity? I ducked down in the car. I didn't want people to see me, but every person we passed on the street stared at us in the back of a speeding police car.
The kid and his friends were gone. The cop brought us back to the garage and dropped us off. I collected my police report and my friend and I went back to our office. The work day was nearly over.
I learned a few hard lessons that day. Never stop your car when someone throws something at you. You can file a police report later in a safe location. I also learned that there's really no punishment for that kind of crime. Those kids got away with destruction of property and attempted assault. They had no fear. It's frightening to think what they could be capable of. I strongly believe that karma will catch up with everyone person who threw rocks at me that day, unless they turn their lives around. They are all racing down a terrible path, one all to common on my city.
Ladies, please taking something away from my ordeal. Don't put your lives in jeopardy for something stupid like a car. Keep yourselves safe.
April 9, 2009
Settling Into A Routine
I've had a fairly good week. I've managed to go to the gym twice with minimal pain. Today I felt like Goldilocks. I started with the running machine. I got through 13 minutes before my nerve started to flare, so I moved to the elliptical, but that hurt immediately, then I tried the treadmill, a long shot I know, and what do you know, that hurt more. I decided that 13 minutes of cardio was "just right."
The estrace cream seems to irritate my clit. I've had to reduce how much and how often I use it. That's ok, I'm not having much sex anyway...
I can get pretty far into the day before the burning starts as long as I'm good about standing in the office. By the time I get home from work, there's always some burning, but most days a short rest lying down is enough to calm the nerve down.
I can't seem to go a full day without some pain. That's distressing, but it's at a manageable level. I'd really like a vacation from my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. We could use some time apart.
The estrace cream seems to irritate my clit. I've had to reduce how much and how often I use it. That's ok, I'm not having much sex anyway...
I can get pretty far into the day before the burning starts as long as I'm good about standing in the office. By the time I get home from work, there's always some burning, but most days a short rest lying down is enough to calm the nerve down.
I can't seem to go a full day without some pain. That's distressing, but it's at a manageable level. I'd really like a vacation from my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. We could use some time apart.
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