The Pee Pain Cleared Up

On Friday night my partner and I were packing for a weekend with his family. We got a little distracted by each other and wound up getting it on. There was a shot of pain through my urethra at the beginning. The pain gave way to pleasure and relaxation. It has been about a week and a half since our last encounter. I needed it.

Unfortunately because my area was out of whack, I didn't use my compound all week. That became painfully obvious when I went to clean off. The burning was unbelievable. I thought, "God is this what it was like in college? No wonder I cried every time I had sex!" Ouch! I used some lidocaine to numb the burning. My urethra was also in flames.

I worried that I had crippled myself for the entire weekend. I took have a vicodin before we got on the road. It was very difficult to find a comfortable position in the car. I squirmed around a lot, hoping my partner wouldn't notice. Lucky for me, he can be utterly oblivious.

When I went to bed that night, I applied the compound and took another vicodin. In the morning I was much better. I'm not sure how sex and a drug cocktail put an end to my urethral pain, but I'm grateful to be better.

It Hurts After I Pee

Since last Saturday I've had a sharp pain in my urethra after I pee. It feels like someone stuck a knitting needle in there. It's very uncomfortable. I haven't found a position that alleviates it, but I have found lying down in certain positions makes the pain worse. Strange.

So the question is: do I have a nerve flare concentrated in my urethra or do I have an infection that is being magnified by my pudendal neuralgia? I really don't know. I don't have any other UTI symptoms, like urgency or increased frequency.

There have been times when I've had sex in certain positions and the opening of my urethra has been hit or rubbed the wrong way. The pain is similar, but it wasn't linked to peeing. This time, there was no sexual trauma.

I don't know what could have brought it on besides the summer heat. Let's face it ladies, on a hot day, you're going to sweat down there. Pink part perspiration has caused me a lot of problems lately.

When my kitty gets overheated, my lactobacillus population increases causing burning similar to a yeast infection.

Could my hot muff have caused my urethral pain?

I'm drinking cranberry juice and hoping it will go away on it's own. I just saw my doctor last week. If it's not better by Monday I'll call. This is contrary to my, "Why Suffer," motto, but it's good to be sure you need medical assistance first.

I haven't been able to have sex all week and, of course, it has to be the week my partner has eyes for me. Hopefully he'll still be hot for me when this goes away. Maybe I'm just more appealing when he can't have me... or I'm not asking for it...

There might be a lesson in all this.

Just to Clarify

I believe you have to love your partner, warts and all. I'm far from perfect and so is he. At times this blog becomes my arena to bitch late at night about a problem that we're having. I'm very grateful to have a place to vent. I really need it sometimes.

My partner is unfairly represented on this blog because I don't write about the good stuff. That's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my chronic pelvic pain and that pain plays a role in my relationship at times.

My partner is an incredible man, with a good heart. I'm truly blessed to have found him. I would not be where I am without his positive influence on my life. I have never been so happy or so well. He brings out the good in me that I didn't know was there. He supports my dreams and he believes in me. He makes me happy. Thinking about him makes me smile. Even after three years, I still get starry eyed.

I can't wait to be his wife. I am so proud to have him.

I'm Not Sure How To Answer That: On Marriage

I'm getting married in three months. Scary, I know... My fiance is Catholic and it was important to him and his family that we have a Catholic ceremony. I am not Catholic, so it won't be a full mass, but it will still be considered a sacrament.

There are a lot of requirements in order to have a Catholic marriage. We had to go to marriage classes, take an hour long online exam, complete a lot of paperwork, and answer some very personal questions. The Catholic church takes marriage very seriously. I respect that.

For any normal woman in the hot seat, the questions wouldn't cause concern, but for a woman with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, it's a different story.

At our first meeting with the deacon, we had to meet with him separately to answer a series of questions. My fiance went first. I figured if there were any road blocks, he could navigate them better than I. He was asked, "do you know of any problem that would prevent you from having a physical relationship with your future spouse?"

Naturally he said no, but he felt that in some ways his answer was not entirely true.

When my turn arrived, I was asked, "is there any condition that could prevent you from having children?"

In both cases the answer is technically yes. Yes, there are times when I cannot have intercourse with my partner because I have vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. And yes, because of those conditions it will be more difficult to have a child and natural birth is out of the question. But that's not the right answer.

I can't stand to be deceitful, but I don't think that line of questioning warranted a lecture on chronic pelvic pain.

The second time we met with the deacon, I was asked if I suffered from mental illness. I wasn't so cool with my answer that time. The question caught me completely off guard.

"That's an awfully personal question. What do they consider mental illness? I have anxiety sometimes, does that count?"

"I think they mean something debilitating like being institutionalized or having something like schizophrenia."

Hmmm. Aren't there HIPPA laws in place to protect my medical history?

I want to reiterate that I respect the desire of the Catholic church to try to ensure that their unions involve many children and don't end in divorse. I guess I just found it ironic that I got hit with those questions.

At this stage, I am capable of having fairly frequent intercourse and I see no reason why I couldn't have children. There is always the possibility that my world will come crashing down on me and I will lose those luxuries. I don't, however, think that's something that Catholic church needs to worry about.

I Take Vicodin and the FDA Wants to Take It Away

This is outrageous! A panel has just recommended that the FDA ban Vicodin and Percocet because they can cause liver damage. What's next, are they going to ban alcohol? How many people suffer from liver failure related the excessive alcohol intake? The important word in that sentence is excessive.

How many people who had liver failure from these meds actually had a prescription, of that number, how many of those people were taking them correctly? One concern is that people would take Vicodin and then take Tylenol or NyQuil, not realizing that all of these drugs contain acetaminophen. Then why don't they just put a big warning on the bottle, "this drug contains acetaminophen and may interact with other drugs that contain acetaminophen."

I take Vicodin as needed for pain. On average, I probably take it once a month. I'll take one pill in one day and no more. I don't mix it with other pain killers or cold medications. I take it safely and responsibly. But apparently the FDA panel doesn't think I'm capable of properly taking my medication. Instead of making it more difficult for these medications to be prescribed to the wrong people, the panel advises that the drugs are taken off the shelves completely. It doesn't matter that many Americans rely on these medications to living comfortable, functional lives.

This decision is so painfully short sighted! They aren't thinking about the people who need these medications, they are only concerned about the people who abuse these medications, the people who shouldn't have access to this medication anyway.

I'm frightened and angry. I strongly believe that I have the right to take this medication responsibly. If the FDA takes away my medication, the FDA takes away my rights as a patient with chronic pain.

I'm So Much Better and What Has It Gotten Me...

In some ways I was better off when I was crippled by vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. I'm beginning to worry about how sexually compatible my partner and I are. When I had to go weeks without intercourse, we didn't have a problem. He understood and I did plenty of things in the interim to keep him satisfied. Now that I have a pretty good handle on the vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia, I can have sex more frequently. I can even have sex two days in a row! Although I can, I usually don't, because my partner isn't in the mood.

I have a lot of trouble wrapping me head around that. Call me sexist, but he's a man! Shouldn't he be perpetually in the mood? Shouldn't he be ready to go any time? Shouldn't even suggestive dialogue get him turn him on? Apparently not.

I've never been with someone like this before. Every guy I've ever been with has had a very strong sex drive. Even the one night stands, obviously they wouldn't have happened if the guy hadn't been ready to rip someones clothes off. I was just stupid enough to volunteer.

Sexual compatibility is extremely important to a successful lifelong relationship, even the Catholic Church thinks so. That's why I'm up at my computer at 1:00 in the morning. I'm worried that my partner cannot satisfy my sexual needs. How can I spend the rest of my life in that situation? How can I work so hard DAILY to enjoy sex only to be rejected time and time again?

There's always an excuse, "I'm exhausted, it's too late, I've got a lot on my mind." It's not going to get easier, we're always going to be tired, there are never going to be enough hours in the day, and we're always going to be worried about something, if we can't manage to have regular sex now, we never will.

Not So Annual...

I had my "annual" with my regular gynecologist on Wednesday. I hadn't seen her since May of 2006! That's terrible. When you see a gynecologist on a painfully (yes, bad pun intended) regular basis, you forget there are other important reasons to see a gynecologist. Oops!

I warned her that I was in some pain that morning and to go easy on me. She used her smaller speculum, but you could have fooled me. It hurt like crazy. I think that thing should be lubricated before it gets inserted. She did all the standard STD tests, leaving out HPV. Apparently it's so common in women in my age group that they only see fit the check for the virus if the pap test comes back irregular. I knew HPV was common, but I had no idea it was THAT common.

Since my gynecologist also handles pregnancy and delivery, I decided to ask her a few medical questions. I'm a very serious planner and with my professional and academic goals, I really need to schedule in a pregnancy or two between degrees.

I asked if it was safe to continue to take Neurontin during pregnancy. She said she wasn't sure, but she thought so. She said that would be better than having to take narcotics for flares. I also learned that other medications that I take could still be taken during a pregnancy with minimal risk.

I am tremendously relieved. I thought I would have to be out of my mind and in constant pain for the entire pregnancy. After so many positive answers I decided to ask the most important question: would she permit a C-section given my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia. She told me that was completely reasonable.

Now I feel like pregnancy is a real possibility... down the road... way, way, way down the road.