It's Hurting More...

I've been doing really well with my pudendal neuralgia symptoms, aside from my attempt at Zumba.  On the other hand, unfortunately, I've been experiencing more problems with my vulvodynia. 

Nursing school and living with my parents have completely killed my sex drive.  From the time I turned 13, I've always been an overly sexual being.  It feels very strange.  I feel like a very big, important part of myself is missing.  My husband has become the sexual aggressor, but he's terrible at it.  It's my fault, though, I taught him that all he needed to do was tell me he was in the mood and I would jump him.  Those instructions came under completely different circumstances, when he had no sex drive. 

Having him say in passing that he wants sex is repulsive.  I never expected to feel this way.  We rarely have sex now and when we do, I have to force myself.  I don't want to disappoint him and reject him all the time.  I know those are not the right reasons to have sex. 

That could potentially be contributing to my increase in pain.  It's a new pain.  There is a great deal of pain upon insertion and it takes much longer to dissipate.  Where my pain was always focused on the base of the vestibule, but now the pain encircles the entire entrance.

Naturally the increase in pain does not help my nonexistent sex drive.  I've thought about seeing my specialist about it, but I don't want to bother.

It's sad.  I never thought I would be so indifferent to sex.

There are probably other issues I need to address in order to understand what's happened to me.     

I Haven't Forgotten

Midterms have begun.  I have three weeks of Hell in front of me.  Nursing school is unbelievably demanding!  I still haven't figured out the best way to stay on top of all the material.  I'm putting all my energy into my most difficult class, but unfortunately they are all difficult.  The class I've neglected the most just snuck up behind me and bit me in the ass.  That midterm was ridiculous!

I've been managing my vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia pretty well.  On some days, I even bring my cushion to class.  On the sex front, I've discovered that I really do have less pain with non-latex condoms!  Who would have thought?!?!  Perhaps they reduce the amount of friction.  I do have to use more lube; and if we change positions, I have to reapply.  It's easy.  Instead of wiping my hand off before we get down to business, I just keep it coated, so the KY is there if I need it without having to interrupt the flow.

It's funny, I always thought condoms were the antithesis of intimacy, but they've brought an exciting new element to our activities...  Let's just say we're both enjoying ourselves...  And every time I go to the bathroom after sex, like a good little girl, I'm shocked by the lack of post-coital burning.

All that fun stuff aside, I know that my posts have grown more infrequent and for that I apologize.  Nursing school has swallowed me whole.  I'm going to try to be more active on this blog.  I just wanted to let you know that I'm still living every day with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.  I'm working hard and I'm living a normal (if you call living in a two bedroom condo with your parents, your husband, two dogs and a cat, while your own house sits empty on the market normal) life.  I have an active sexual relationship with my partner and my daily pain level is manageable.

It is possible to enjoy life with vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia.

Don't lose hope.       

All Quiet on the Vagina Front

My vulvodynia and pudendal neuralgia have been under control the last couple weeks.  I've been able to get through an entire day at work without pain!  I think it's because I'm splitting my time between sitting on my cushion and standing. 

I still have pain when I do strenuous work or go to the gym.  Last weekend, my husband used his favorite wedding gift, a chain saw, on some branches that have been cluttering our yard for a year.  I carried the smaller logs and put them in a pile in the corner of the yard.  I also scavenged the yard for sticks, creating a separate pile for them.  The repetitive motion of bending and lifting caused my pudendal nerve to flare.  I had to stop that activity and I haven't gone back.   

When my body starts talking, I drop what I'm doing and listen.  It's just not worth it to push myself to do that extra five minutes on the elliptical or pick up that last log in the yard.  The price is just too high.  I've found a good routine that allows me to live a pretty normal life and avoid causing myself pain as much as possible.  There's always some pain with sex, but it's manageable.  With the compound back in my system, there is less burning pain after sex. 

I'm content with my holding pattern.  We'll see how long it lasts.