tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1224048210099394639.post2933814909025366135..comments2023-10-21T08:08:55.191-04:00Comments on Life with Vulvodynia & Pudendal Neuralgia: When Is the Right Time to Tell Him It HurtQuinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11788208540404581979noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1224048210099394639.post-12377532195788534622010-02-25T18:10:09.938-05:002010-02-25T18:10:09.938-05:00I think Anonymous had a great suggestion! I may ev...I think Anonymous had a great suggestion! I may even try it. ;) I agree that in some form or other, the communication has to be there. But I also know how fragile that ego can be when it's had years of rejection, frustration and worry. After dealing with pudendal neuralgia for 7 years, my hubby and I are finally getting it back on, but I initiate 99% of the time post surgery -- I get that, but I wish sometimes it'd be like the old days. When he does something that 'irritates' me, I gently murmer 'not there' or move his hand somewhere else....Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1224048210099394639.post-50445798981778639292010-02-24T21:38:43.510-05:002010-02-24T21:38:43.510-05:00I would tell him the next day or whenever - when y...I would tell him the next day or whenever - when you're both in a fairly calm state to begin with. And then I would gently yet firmly - possibly loudly - remind him during ever after.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1224048210099394639.post-5199855065655422682010-02-23T14:55:20.723-05:002010-02-23T14:55:20.723-05:00One thing I've done with partners is afterward...One thing I've done with partners is afterward to ask these three questions to one another:<br /><br />1) One thing you liked?<br />2) One thing you would have changed or left out?<br />3) One thing you'd have wanted more of.<br /><br />If both of you do it, it seems more like 'lets keep making it better'Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1224048210099394639.post-12901468487605212572010-02-23T12:28:15.003-05:002010-02-23T12:28:15.003-05:00www.downtherevaginalpain.blogspot.com
I understan...www.downtherevaginalpain.blogspot.com<br /><br />I understand exactly the dilemma that you're going through because I've been doing it for years. It is my experience that you must be honest with him. In the long run, it will only hurt you physically and emotionally not to. <br /><br />You have a sexual desire now, and I'm so happy for you that you have that. I used to have that too, but I endured the pain for so many years without really being honest about how much it hurt. I too didn't want to hurt my boyfriend's feelings or bruise his confidence. But now, after so many years of associating pain with sexual activities, I no longer have any sexual desire at all. <br /><br />So now, not only do I have to deal with the physical pain of it all, I have to deal with the emotional pain too. I don't just see a physical therapist, I see a psychologist. I associate sex and sexual activities with pain and I am completely turned off by it. <br /><br />I know this is long, but my advice is to be completely honest, not only with him, but with yourself. You don't want to be in the place that I'm in.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05580830346420189136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1224048210099394639.post-15439892173026314612010-02-23T08:08:20.175-05:002010-02-23T08:08:20.175-05:00I have horrible pain issues with fingers. Worse t...I have horrible pain issues with fingers. Worse than with actual sex. I don't know what it is. Whether it's just the anatomy of fingers. The hangnails, the joints, the dryness, the lotion, or what. <br /><br />I sat my husband down the day after the time that it hurt the worst and was just honest with him. Laid it all out and gave him the old "it's not you, it's me". Told him that my body just wasn't made for that kind of touching.<br /><br />Good luck.<br /><br />(in a creepy Big Brother hopefully coincidence, my word verification code is "chassis"<br /><br />www.mychassis.blogspot.comLorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11721629115039897949noreply@blogger.com